I am in my mid 40"s you would think I would be used to being depressed or realizing the signs hat are bringing on my depression. But after being diagnosed at the age of 16, yup 16 ENOUGH is ENOUGH. Dr - Phycs you name it I have been there. This has been a terrable year. I lost my grandmother, whom I was really really close to, then last month my husband fell ill, during his illness he suffered major memory loss is now in the psychiatric ward at the local hospital. I was never one to handle the holidays, especially Xmas. I have no idea how I am or if I can even handle them. My Dr. has me on 6 diff meds, one to wake up one to sleep and some to just manage the day. Up until my Grandmother passed, I held a well respected Job, finally thought my depressioin was under contol and BOOM -- here it is. I am now on undefinate medical leave, no grandmother, and a husband who may or may not recognize me from day to day. Today, without realizing, I almost killed myself, don't think it was intentional but it sure scared the heck out of me. I was coming home from the hospital after not such a good visit with my husband (must have been daydreaming, drugged out?? who knows) but the crossing lights to the train came on, and before I realized I was sittin in the middle of the train tracks. WHAT WAS THAT?? -- I finally snapped into reality moved the car to the opposite track. AGAIN -- WHY -- WAS this done intentional? I didn't plan it. It just happened. I am more scared and more reluctant to leave the house. If I dont leave the house I am stuck here for what seems like weeks, finally my youngest daughter ends up coming over dragging me into the shower and forcing me out of the door. What kind of life my dauther must think she has.... here she is 20yrs old mother and dealing with her WHACKED out mother??? Dr's are not seeming to be helping. Who knows. Maybe this site is a GODSEND -- Someone PLEASE show me there can be life with depression.