Posted 12/11/2006 10:31 PM (GMT -6)
And nothing to fill the void. Nothing is fun anymore...absolutely nothing. I can find no pleasure in the things that use to be amazing to me. I find myself going (or wanting to be going) to sleep way earlier in advance. I've heard sleep can be a sign of depression, for the fact that you cannot face your problems. It's getting unbearable to live like this anymore, and I don't know what to do.
A big problem I have is rejection. I have been rejected, in more ways than one, most of my life...mostly in the social area, despite the fact that I do have a good number of friends. I cannot get over the feeling that they may stop being my friends, which in the past has happened quite often. Make friends and they drift away, never to hear of them again. I've always had somewhat of a problem fitting in through my life, and no matter how much I try (nonchalantly, of course) to "fit in," it gets no where. I'm not talking about a "popular" crowd, by the way, I'm talking about any crowd. All I want is to mean something important to somebody. Is that really too hard to ask for? I don't see myself as a bad at all...and what I've heard I am not. I just don't understand it though.
I cannot begin to tell you how alone I feel right now, despite the fact I have people there for me; my parents (who are still together), my brother (who is by far my best friend), and all of my other friends.
I really am not sure how much more I can stand of this. I know I could ask my parents if I could go see somebody about this...they would not care at all and would be extremely supportive of this...but I can't seem to tell them.
I really don't know what I'm going to do.