Not sure what's going on with me..

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Riley Mo
Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 23
   Posted 12/15/2006 2:56 PM (GMT -6)   
I've been slowly reducing my dose of Lexapro and I feel  I'm waking from a long, long sleep. Some aspects feel good (even Great!) and some are really tough. The biggest problem is with my husband. We were having some major financial problems, which led to a lot of fights when I decided to get on the meds. Looking back now, although I've been super calm since on Lexapro, I feel like I was dumbed down and it was just easier to avoid the real issues. The Lexapro helped me through some rough times but it also helped me avoid what I needed to deal with. I hope I'm making sense.
Now that I'm almost off the med, all of those old issues are resurfacing. I worried at first that I was just going back to my high strung, irritable self but now I think that I'm just alert again to the issues that cause us problems. I have tried to calmly address them w/ my hubby and we won't have any part of it. I feel he brings no stability to our family. He make poor decisions that impact all of us. His chaotic, disorganized and unplanned style has taken over our family and I've had enough! Some of what I had to say would be hard to swallow but it was all truth and I did my best not to be too hurtful.
Last night I hit the point where I feel like I'm emotionally done with him. That I can do things for myself, have fun with my friends, do things I like andenjoy my children. I feel like I'm beating my head against the wall w/ him because I care about our relationship. Well, I'm done with that. I'm not hateful and don't want to fight but I just want to be done. I'm not talking divorce or separation..I just feel I'm done emotionally.
I guess my question is...what is your take on this. Knowing where I'm at w/ the meds, do you think this may just be a phase and is related??
I'm sorry this was so long. Thanks to those of you that have stuck w/ me!

Post Edited (Riley Mo) : 12/15/2006 1:18:49 PM (GMT-7)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2004
Total Posts : 1372
   Posted 12/15/2006 3:18 PM (GMT -6)   
If you are emotionally done with him then why stay married to him? I think it is best for the children to not grow up in a family where there is always fighting and disrespect. They do better if you seperate and share the kids. That's just my opinion. It sounds like you are thinking rationally and not just flying off the handle. It could be you need to be on the Lexapro, give it a few weeks and see how you are doing. Have y'all considered counseling?

Riley Mo
Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 23
   Posted 12/15/2006 3:29 PM (GMT -6)   
Yeah, I know. There are just so many emotions tied up in all of that, you know? Maybe "emotionally done" is too harsh...I do still love him, I've honestly never seen a better father, I love that he is so friendly and personable to everyone he meets, he makes me laugh...I won't go on but I guess my point is I still love the guy and don't want to divorce.

I just feel like maybe I could take charge of what bothers me--the finances (which I'm starting to do), planning out our time/days and not consult him on the things that cause problems. Frankly, because he is so good at avoiding issues and keeps quite instead of talking about what bothers him--it will probably be fine. If I don't get irritated about what he does and doesn't do for the family then there probably won't be any arguing.

That's not ideal for a marriage, I know but I think we could keep the peace better. Maybe I've just been expecting too much from him all along?? We can still have fun together, do fun things as a family, play around together and all of that but I just need to learn to do my own things.

Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhh....thanks! That was better than spending $100 for a counselor. Although, I am looking for one.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 12/16/2006 6:41 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi Riley, It's good your looking for a counselor.  I think antidepressants help "Band-Aid" certain emotions to a point or perhaps help us to overlook undesirable behaviors in others.  I can speak of that from my own experience with my ex-husband.  However, even though I had been on an antidepressant his pushing, nagging, avoidance and the things that always bothered me most about our relationship was able to creep into my mind and I did reach that "emotionally done" point.  When I did I totally shut down and there was no turning back...but that is just for me and my relationship which everyone's is different.  I always thought that I expected too much from him too...but in the end and even now I have come to realize that I didn’t expect enough from him and myself. 

Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease

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