Feeling trapped

Polly -

You are in a really tough place right now. When depression has such a hold on your mind that you can't get out of bed, it really does seem hopeless. You have taken the first steps towards working your way out of the hole though. Seeing a doctor and getting anti-depressants, and starting counseling are both huge steps in breaking the cycle. When you saw your doc, did you tell him just how low you feel? I know that it is extremely difficult to admit just how depressed you are to people, even if telling them will help yourself. If you didn't tell, perhaps you should set up another appointment and really let him know. You sound like you might need help sooner than January. Thoughts of harming yourself are not something to just blow off. Consider having your dad keep his pills somewhere where you can't see them if they are going to trigger suicidal urges.

Now that you have taken the first steps in recovering your life, you need to find reasons to get yourself out of bed until you start feeling better. Do you work or volunteer anywhere? Those are both good motivators for getting out. But they aren't enough. You said that tv sometimes distracts you. Maybe you should consider renting some happy movies as a way to distract yourself. Watching some really stupid comedies and getting a good laugh help me. I also enjoy reading and listening to music. Going out for walks also help me. If you don't want any interaction while you out walking then you can wear headphones. People usually don't bother someone with headphones on. Do you like to cook? Planning a large meal, shopping for it, and preparing it are also good distractions. It gets you out of bed, and out of the house for a while. Plus you get the benefit of knowing that you did something nice for yourself, and for your dad. :)

Things may seem hopeless, but if you want to change, then know that things will improve. When you've been depressed for so long, it is hard to remember what it feels like to not be depressed. This forum is full of people who have gotten their depression under control and are willing to help others. Keep posting and I'm sure that someone will have some useful advice. I hope that some of this helps you. I know that you can pull through this. Remember that the journey of a hundred miles begins with one step. You've already taken the first couple of steps. Your journey to the end of the depression tunnel has begun. Keep on going and you'll get to the end. Good luck.

Dear Polly, I could have written your post myself. I too can go into deep depression when something or someone goes wrong. I think that your psychological skin is burned and the slightest pain becomes unbearable. Depression is insidious that way. It wreaks havoc on our self esteem and distorts our perceptions of everything. Read my post "why are some days so bad?" I have looked at the bottle at times too (figuratively). The only thing that keeps me from doing anything is thinking of "others." I picture people coming to my funeral or I picture my dog lying next to me waiting for me to wake up. Don't do it because tomorrow is a new day and you could feel differently. I have lived this so many times. I cry myself to sleep and the next day I have a little bit of hope to go on and sometimes I even have a good day. So, hang in there. Are you seeing a psychologist for talk therapy? You WILL overcome this with help. One day at a time. ok? You are not alone. We are here for you.

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"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."