I hate this time of year. I live alone, my husband left me a year ago (we are almost divorced). My Dad died three years ago right before Christmas. My family lives in another state, my best friend of 14 years moved in October because she lost her job. I have no children, its just me and my dog. (who I love like family) I have other friends, but they are with their families or out of town. Since my husband and I split, some of our "couple friends" have lost touch with me/us or feel like they have to choose sides. I was hurt when a very good friend of ours sent my husband a card and not me. A few people have invited me (neighbors, coworkers etc) , but I feel its out of pity so I have declined. Last night after work I drank so I could go to sleep easily. I am joining a friend later today for a dinner party but I spent the morning in bed and most of the afternoon crying and feeling lonely. I dont care about the presents I just need human connection.
I have a guy friend who I have confided in who I think is also suffering from depression, and he said I am afraid of being alone. He says he can go into solitude and not talk to anyone for two days. I dont think Im afraid of being alone, I just enjoy human connection. I am a talker, very social and outgoing, some people think I talk alot, most find it an endearing quality. I have no problem going to the movies alone, gym alone etc. I even have gone to a bar on occasion alone. (sports bar - watch a game) Ive lived alone for a year. I read books which is something you do alone. Occasionally I can take a day for myself (like after a stressful week at work etc) but most of the time after a several hours alone, I feel the need to call people on the phone, go shopping or do things that put me around people. My guy friend is one of those people who hates the phone and does not return phone calls or messages very often. I talked to my therapist and she thinks its very healthy to want to connect with other people, and she would be concerned if someone did want to go into solitude for days. She says that is unhealthy. Am I just feeling sorry for myself?