Hi els and Maree, thank you very much for your great support and guidance. My therapist is on Christmas vacation, but she offered me her private number so that I could call her, if I had an emotionel emergency, and I did. It took all the strenght I had inside to tell her about the incident that took place so many years ago, but I finally did and she was great. After the conversation, I felt all empty inside and my body was heavy and tired.
I am on medicin already. As I am living in Denmark, you probably don't know the name of the medication, but I think it's similar to Prozac. I have sleeping pills, too, but I'm only using them when it's really bad.
I've found out that all my life, I have been two persons inside. Person no. 1 has always tried really hard to please other people and to do all the things that this person thought, others might wanted. Always putting on a smile pretending that everything was just perfect. That person has always wanted to show the world that she could deal with every obsticle on her way. Person no. 2 was the REAL me. The one who needed love, support and be surrounded by mindreaders. Who always put herself aside for person no. 1.
Person no. 1 has drowned person no. 2, but the real me can't do it anymore. Everytime, people asks me to do something for them, I'm there, and if I turn them down once in a while - happens next to never - I feel guilty letting them down.
Els and Maree, thank you very much for caring. I warms my heart to know that there are people like you out there, who are willing to spend their precious time to comfort a stranger.
Els, I feel for you and the ordeal you have gone through. You will be in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope that you will make progress every day. I kinda sense that you hold a great deal of optimism in you and that gives me a lot of hope for the future.