I'm not advocating trying to look for good things in a bad place. I was putting forth a cognitive approach which believes that if you change your thinking you can change your feelings. Now, initially this will be troublesome because usually we've built up a storehouse of bad thoughts that we now have to go about dismanteling one by one which takes time, but at least you'll be headed in the right direction instead of being in the downward spiral you were in before. So it's not looking for the positive so much as it's talking back to the negative thoughts with more realistic thoughts because 99% of the other thoughts are full of exaggeration and fortune telling (imagining how horrible it's going to be down the road over and over). So stop looking for the positives, and start challenging your negative, exaggerated, lying thoughts with reality based thoughts which will change your feelings because feelings follow thoughts.
For instance you say of positive thoughts "most times I can't find them." I'd challenge that statement with a statement more reality based such as "Often I find it difficult to see the positive when I'm hurting but when I try I can think of at least one, if not several good things in my life. Lets see. I have food. I have a place to live. I can see. I'm not dying of cancer." Do you see what I'm talking about. Gratitude will change your attitude. You can always find something to be thankful for.
I understand the desparation I hear in your words. I've experienced it through the years on many different occassions. When you get in a desparate place the first thing you need to do is to imagine circumstances worse than what you're experiencing. I begin by imagining experiencing my current problems being complicated by being blind and in prison. Now that particular thought makes my present difficulties seem rather simple. Again, gratitude will change your attitude. You can always be thankful that you are not at some level of pain that would be infinitely worse than your present condition. Just imagine if you didn't have anyone to talk to, or that you didn't have money for food, or that you were homeless. All those thoughts will stand to bring you to an appreciation of how bad it isn't, rather than how bad it is.
Hey, athmlldy411 don't worry about the others getting mad at me. Man, that kind of stuff rolls off me like water off a ducks back. I've had to put up with criticism for one thing or another most of my life so it's all in a days work for me. I'm real good about being able to handle critics. In fact I've come to enjoy it because it helps me to stay sharp and agile using words to defend myself. I enjoy a good argument, so don't worry about me because when it (depression, anxiety, panic) didn't kill me, it made me a lot stronger. And I'm here to share that strength with those who are hurting.
First things first. You need to find a good doctor who can make an informed diagnosis about your condition. But if your senses are telling you that you seem to vascilate between being really up with spending sprees, or delusions of grandeur (believing you're someone famous), or sexual promiscuity, then I'd say those would be pretty good indicators of mania. Of course depression is not so hard to recognize, and if this is your first journey there don't worry it's not as bad as it seems. Once you realize that you will return from the darkness you won't fear it so much the next time. The goal is to minimize the "next times", and that's what a good doc and some good medications can help you do, along with a toolbox full of all kinds of methods and strategies that will enable you to cope more efficiently with whatever it is that's ailing you.
Being new to these symptoms it's not at all uncommon for you to feel very panicky and nervous, but be assured millions before you have been there and returned, and so will you if you employ the coping mechanisms suggested by those who've used them successfully, and if you get in touch with a knowlegable doctor who can prescribe the medication that will help right your ship. I'd admonish you to take it on a one day at a time basis, and stop worrying about tomorrow or any things that are beyond today. That philosophy will help you stay more focused in the present which will greatly reduce your apprehensiveness about your problems.
Hey brother/sister, you don't ever have to ask me for forgiveness. You never did anything that needed to be forgiven. Take Leigh Ann for instance, and the little spat we had. Heck, my pulse stayed the same during the whole skirmish. I see where she's coming from, and I understand her feelings, and all is well that ends well. You take care of yourself first and foremost by finding a doctor who's competent, and who knows manic-depression when he/she sees it. Then talk, talk, talk, until you get it all out. After that take your meds everyday, and on time.
This too shall pass.....
LOOK I AM SORRY IF I STARTED ANYTHING BY NOT AGREEING WITH SOME THINGS THAT WERE SAID . I AM NOT A GOD HATER. I LOVE GOD AND HAVE ATTENED CHURCH MY WHOLE LIFE SO THE RELIGIOUS ASPECT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ANY OF IT. I JUST GET SO SICK OF HERE " FOCUS ON THE POSOTIVES" BECAUSE MOST TIMES I CAN'T FIND THEM
THAT IS WHY I AM HERE.....I HOPE SOMEONE CAN HELP ME FIND A POSOTIVE. I HIT ROCK BOTTOM about 3 DAYS AGO AND IT HAS BEEN BAD SO WHEN I CAME HERE IT JUST ALL HIT MY THE WRONG WAY. I TRY TO TALK MYSELF THRU POSOTIVE THINKING BUT RIGHT NOW THERE IS NOTHING. THAT IS ALL I WAS TRYING TO SAY
MR. CHRISTIAN.... I DO APOLOGIZE FOR GETTING THE OTHER STARTED ON YOU I FEEL LIKE IT IS ALL MY FAULT.
I THINK I HAVE BIPOLAR SO I GO MANIC AND THEN I DEPRESS....... WELL THIS IS MY FIRST DEPRESSED STATE SINCE MY MANIA. THE REASON I DON'T KNOW IF I AM OR NOT IS BECAUSE MY THERAPIST WAS A JOKE AND I CAN'T SEEM TO FIND A PSCHIATRIST. THAT IS WHY IT HURT SO MUCH WHEN YOU WERE TALKING about FINDING ALL THE POSOTIVE AND KNOWING THAT WHAT WE ARE THINKING IS NOT RATIONAL. PLEASE FORGIVE ME.