it's hard for others to really understand what we're going through, i've sorta accepted that now...sometimes, i don't think i should be talking to others about this, ie my fiance. even though i want him to understand.
but it definitely helps to "vent" it out somehow...i think writing has been better for me than actually talking to someone...i kinda get defensive when i "talk" even though the other person is trying to help. so i've started writing in a journal when i feel sad/cry. i've turned to this forum to get an idea of what other people think...a sort of indirect "talk"...
during some really bad days, i can sleep all day. but then i feel guilty. sometimes...i have to "schedule" time to exercise or have a goal, something to train for, ie, a 5 or 10k or a half marathon...hoping to do a marathon one of these days. not that i do it to be the first or anything. it's just knowing and having that sense of accomplishment. sometimes the excitement from other people gets me excited too.
for now, that's what i see as something to do in life...i'm not suicidal either, but have had thoughts. i've trained and worked to know better...i have been told that "things will be fine" or "there are good and bad days" we just have to hope that tomorrow will be better.
i'm still new to this forum, but if you want to talk, let me know when.