My other half is dealing with Depression and Anxiety

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Only want what is best....
New Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 1/1/2007 11:10 PM (GMT -6)   
My boyfriend who I love with all my heart is dealing with depression and anxiety and currently not on any medication (and does not want medication). Can someone please direct me to a site or sites that allow the partner to share experiences on how they helped their loved one, deal with and hopefully conquer this!

I want to understand this and be able to help with my eyes wide open and have no idea where to start looking, for search to help him!

Any input is greatly appreciated!

New Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 1/2/2007 1:22 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Wants What Is Best. I dont have answers for you, I'm not a proffesional at pshycology, and I have never helped and loved ones go through depression. I am however, a male, In my early 20's and also refused to take medication for depression, even when it went from bad to suicide attempts, so maybe that carries some merit in itself.
First things first, stop thinking this is something you can "conquer". I thought I could do that too, and it almost killed me. Depression is disease, something you cope, adapt and learn to work with, not a cold or a cut. In time maybe, it will lessen in severity with diet changes and excersize.
The other thing I would say is this: Find a release. Dont want pills? Neither did I, thought they were just a crutch used to sidestep the problem. Had enough of doctors and proffesionals who all wanted to be your "freind" as long as you had the money? I did too. But you gotta find something, be it writing, poetry, playing an insturment, occasionally posting on forums, something, anything that can act as a pressure valve, that you can take all the crap and the frustration and the dark thoughts piling up inside your head and just get it out for a bit before it eats you alive. Thats important, to me anyways. I hope some of this helped a bit.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 1/2/2007 7:53 AM (GMT -6)   
Welcome to the board Only...
First I think you have found the right message board as there are not only people who are suffering from depression here,but husbands and wives of the depressed.
Depression is a disease of the mind and body. I believe it is something that can be passed down from family members.
Now, I often think that depression is harder for men to cope with as they have to keep up the image of being tough. So asking for help from a doctor,and taking pills is something they have a very hard time dealing with.
Women are expected to be emotional. I am not being sexist here,it is just a main fact.
Men are expected to be the rocks of the relationship and if they show emotions then they think they are going to be ridiculed.
I think the first step (and I am sure you have already done this) is to make sure he knows you will think no less of him if he gets help. And that you will tell no one.
Then you are going to have to be the rock of the relationship. Remember things he loves to do and encourage him to do those things. Even if you have to take the lead. If he is depressed over something that you think is minor,listen and try to be the cheerleader. I can just imagine how hard it is for my b/f to deal with me. But,he has done an excellent job and has helped me conquer my depression,by being my rock.
Good luck,and I hope he knows how lucky he is to have you.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Only want what is best....
New Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 1/2/2007 8:30 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Shy & Passenger

Thank you so much for your input, I am glad that I posted and and received your replies. It is very difficult to listen to what is troubling him and I don't know what to say most times as words are words and I feel that by saying something would just make him feel worse and may push him away. The only thing I can think of doing is just listening to what he feels is troubling him and hoping that by listening helps. Because no one knows what it is like until they wear that persons shoes.

I am going to try and motivate him into attending his club he belongs to and has not gone to for a long time. I hope this will help and my 12 year daughter seems to be interested in going too. I guess my goal will be to start in baby steps and progress from there.

I know he is dealing with many things including the depression that would affect a person that does not suffer from depression and would hit them hard, so I feel my work is cut out for me. It tears me to shreads knowing he is hurting so much, and I want his daughter (from a previous relationship) to be apart in this, but as we know teenagers at 17 are more interested in starting their lives and don't comprehend that when starting their new lives (friends, boyfriends, etc) that the people who got them to that stage still exist, I remember when I was a teenager.

Anyways, Passage I promise not to try and conquer this, just be there for him and only tackle the issue(s) at hand!

Have a wonderful day and again thank you for your feeback!
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