When i got home for christmas i felt really good, i was getting up at 8am on my own (which is a big improvement on 1pm!!) i was walking the dogs 3 or 4 times a day, ok it was kind of an excuse to have a ciggarette but still i enjoyed the walks a lot. then one night i met up with some old friends a went clubbing, i got very very drunk (i didnt even drink very much but i think my meds made me feel more drunk) i dont even remember getting home.
then for the following days i felt terrible which is to be expected as alcohol is a depressent, but this feeling didnt go away. i saw my doctor the other day and he said that although ive been suffering stomach sickness he would like me to continue taking the fluoxetine for a while longer to see if it gets better. anyway i was feeling so low, but today i woke up and i looked in the mirror and realised that although i am not slim i have lost weight (which is good) i had put over a stone of weight on during the summer and it made me feel terrible.
i managed to get started on my work, and although my concentration has not improed tremendously, it has improved enough for me to start researching.
i guess the point is not to focus on all the bad things at the moment but focus on the progress, although its hard as i feel the "extreme hopelessness" feeling is just below the surface and may engulf me at any moment, which causes me anxiety.
just thought it might help me to get things in order inmy mind as recently ive been finding it hard to think 'in a straight line' if you understand what i mean? sorry for the long winded post, and best wishes to you all and good luck with whatever deamons you may be facing xx
- Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. (Langston Hughes)
- It's easier to go down a hill than up it but the view is much better at the top. (Arnold Bennet)