Well, I would have liked to write with good news but instead I had a very distressing and pain-filled day.
I went to the interview (#4) yesterday promptly at 9:20. When I got there I was given yet ANOTHER assessment. This is called a DISC. Anybody heard of it? Another test to determine style. I don't know, I don't get to see the results. I just jump through all of the hoops. The HR lady asked me if I had any questions and I said "yes" has a job title/description been determined? Which I of course assumed it had and she said, yes, the Manager will be able to talk to you about this. She said this is a new position (known) and a "great opportunity" and that I would be working very closely with the top dog (for all California). They kept checking on me and telling me that they were shorthanded and corporate was scoring my assessments, etc. 10:30 rolls around and I am told "I have to apologize to you. Something has come up and the Manager will not be able to meet with you afterall." "Hopefully, you won't have to come back but the Manager has all of the information and can make a decision." Something "inside" is going on and I don't know what it is.
I do know that the current ADMIN is not working out for the top dog b/c of youth and inexperience. Well, when I checked in, the receptionist called HR (the gal I was supposed to ask for was in orientation) and told her "she is not on the calendar." I overheard her and explained to her that I was meeting with the Branch Manager but was asked to ask for the HR gal. She asked me what the position was. I told her and then she said "oh, is that what it is." Well, if this was "confidential" I did not know. I did get the feeling immediately afterwards that she was "fishing." I told the HR lady when she was sitting with me and she said "yeah, the ears are really perking up around here." Ughhh. They wasted my time.
Let me tell you, friends, I woke up that morning with a MIGRAINE and SEVERE neck/shoulder pain. I had to keep myself from cyring my eyes out. Sitting there waiting for 1 hour, I felt like I was going to throw up and I kept praying for the Manager to come and get me. When they came and told me that he couldn't meet with me, I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. What am I to make of this? I think that he should have at least come out himself and shook my hand and apologized to me. Now, I know my IQ so it can't be that I scored poorly on the "sales skills" test and I have above average "writing skills" so maybe the "temperament" thing. I am not a "dominant" style but rather an intuitive/steady style. Maybe that's not what they're looking for. I dunno! I'm feeling jerked around though.
What do you think?
Now, I am at a point where I think I should go on long-term disability. It will be the messiest and most difficult thing I will ever do in my life, but what the heck is God trying to tell me? I have tried and tried to overcome the depression and anxiety but the PAIN won't go away and the doors are not staying open. What do you think all of this means?
Needless to say, I had a very bad day yesterday and the old "bad thoughts" came rushing back. A friend came over and gave me an intense massage while watching TV and now I'm sore as he** from the pressure. :(