I'm 29 years old now. I've been suffering from depression since i was about
12 (the 'officials' don't know about
that, only my breakdown). I had a nervous breakdown caused by various factors when i was about
18/19. I've worked so hard since i found out i was pregnant at the age of 21 to look after myself (mentally and physically) and my son, and have really been making headway. I haven't been on any medication since i was 21 (gave them up when i found out i was pregnant), and i got signed off my psychiatrist when i was 22. I've been doing lots of part time higher education courses for the last five years to get me into University, which i started last October and am really enjoying. I've found a really lovely guy and a loving daddy for my son (yes in the same person lol!)
But.... it doesn't matter how far on you've come in life, or how well you are doing, or how long ago my really bad episode was, everytime i want to advance and get on a uni course, or apply for a job, i get dragged back to that bad episode. I've applied for a job at my local hospital to do with my course, i passed all the occupational health tests and assessments; and still i have to see some condescending jumped up doctor AGAIN who's going to treat me like some poor neive 'damaged' person who doesn't understand what stress is in life, and needs talking to patronisingly about it. It makes me want to tell them where they can stick their job and hospital. 29 years of my life and they're going to assess me in half an hour to tell me if i can cope with the job. And i have NO choice but to sit there and take it AGAIN. This is my third interview like this in the last two years. I feel like shouting i was ok, but now i feel depressed again!
My son has disabilities and i've almost single handedly raised him for the last 7 years, i know what stress is and how to cope with it, i do stress almost 24 hours a day. The depression hasn't completely gone away, but i feel better and cope better and am really getting my self confidence back. I've come a long way since back then, but they give you no recognition of this.
I used to self harm when my depression was really bad. One of the doctors i saw last year said he had to make sure i wasn't a danger to anyone else. I felt like saying the clue is in the title; SELF harm, not ABH, or GBH! He was so patronising, saying 'do you realise how much stress this course will be and how you will cope with it?' I felt like saying 'thank you so much doctor, i didn't realise this course would be stressful, i had no idea, i thought it would be a breeze i could blag my way through!' I really hate them but you cant say anything or do anything because then you don't get the job you want or the course you want. It really feels like being discriminated against sometimes.
Sorry for ranting on, bad day at the occy health clinic! Just wish they'd poke off and let us get on with our lives and not treat us like idiots,
Sar I had to edit parts of your post due to bad language : rule number 2 of healing well
2. No use of explicit, obscene or vulgar language or images and/or messages, including racist remarks.
Post Edited By Moderator (Victoria) : 1/18/2007 12:10:12 PM (GMT-7)