Hi TooRelax, Welcome to Healing Well forum, we are happy to have you join us here. I am so sorry for all your going through. I cant understand how difficult it must be for you. However, your story does sound a lot like that of my ex-husband's first marriage. He married very young and had two beautiful girls with his first wife but she cheated on him many times. The last was with his best friend whom he caught them in his bed together. Pretty harsh, huh? Anyway, he got divorced and she lost custody of the kids to my ex's parents, he didnt feel that he could take care of a one and two year old on his own and work 50 hrs a week which is the amount he worked at the time. Afterward he dated a few girls but nothing really stuck until him and I met about
a year after this. I was 19 and he was 21. We ended up living together for 7 yrs before we got married, were married for 5 yrs then divorced. One of our most major issues of our relationship was trust. He never could get past the fact that I wasnt his ex, I wasnt doing the things she did. No matter how much time passed it never made a differance, in his mind he was stuck in that trauma that he suffered so long ago.
Guys always have that train of thought that once one girl is gone that it is time to go on out and get another almost like they have to prove that they are "over it". But when do you face up to the facts that your not over it and who do you talk to about it? You can move on to another relationship but this baggage is going to follow you...and it is okay to say that you were hurt. There is Divorce Care counseling that you can seek out. Mostly these are done through churches but without the religious content and they are done in either an all male setting or an all female setting. Also, I would recommend private counseling, this will help give you someone who is impartial to speak to that can give you some problem solving techniques with the anxiety that your suffering with. Not only that but it will also look really good on your part in court if your seeking counseling as this can help you with parenting skills too.
It sounds as if your ex is a very mixed up girl and I wish you all the luck with your court date and gaining custody. I dont know if my advice or suggests are of any help to you here but I really hope that you do seek some professional help. I cant stress to you enough how letting these feelings go unresolved can turn into future unhappiness.
I am sure other members will respond to your post, everyone here is so very helpful and supportive. Please do feel free to post again we are always here. Take care
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