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Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 2/4/2007 5:45 PM (GMT -6)   

Hello all,

It’s been a few weeks since I was around; I have been feeling pretty useless.  I kept my appointment with my therapist and have had follow ups too.  I cannot believe how helpful it has been despite my initial disappointment.  I think I expected a miracle and to be told what to do.

Although I already knew and believe that only I can make the changes, I somehow thought that maybe some decisions would be made for me and it just isn’t true.  I have just had the opportunity to talk through my feelings with someone who is completely detached from my situation and me.  It truly has been a good start.  And yet again, it is thanks to all of you that I am finally obtaining the help I need.

I felt the need to write tonight as I have just read a post from {P.S.T}Matt and see that he has not visited the forum since and his topic is locked.


Matt and anyone else in the same situation, know this:


Regardless whether you are male or female, rape is not ok.  Remember that it is not your fault.  I know the mental and physical feelings of pain, fear, self-loathing and utter, utter shame that come with this heinous crime.  It is not OK.  It is not ok to live your life and face your future ignoring that this happened to you, I have, for 16 years I am now in a mess.  I have finally taken the steps to obtain the help I need to get through this.  Hindsight is a wonderful thing – don’t wait to realise that for yourself later.


But life does go on.  I am only just now learning to nurture my belief in myself, to slowly increase my self-esteem and confidence.  To try to understand and believe that I am worthy and worthwhile.  Learning to trust is a huge issue, trust yourself first and the rest will come.  I was locked up for three days during my ordeal in my own home and I am learning/realising that I don’t have to have single glazed windows throughout to feel safe.  I don’t have to hide my fears from my husband, not all men are rapists.  Seek help from friends and professionals, seek support, I didn't realise just how much I needed help until it was almost too late.


We are all different and it affects us all differently, just remind yourself every day that it is not you who should feel ashamed.  I only hope that the kind of people that can do this have some form of a conscience, because one day they will have to face up to what they did and then they will have to live with themselves for the rest of their days.
hugs to you all

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 2/5/2007 7:57 AM (GMT -6)   
I am so glad you made progress Wizzer and that you are feeling better.
I too was wondering about Matt,I hope he comes back and everything is ok. Well said!
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 2/5/2007 9:37 AM (GMT -6)   

Thank you Wizzer for your post and being so honest regarding your feelings.  It is so very important to encourage and give support to those who have suffered from sexual assault and abuse.  Not only in encouragement to seek counseling and treatment as I too know this is a huge step for them and each person has to decide when they are ready to face that but just to let them know that they are not alone and others have gone through this same trauma is essential.  When I started to speak of my sexual abuse issues here I was terrified that I was going to be the only one, I know how difficult it is to type those words but when you get responses from other members saying they understand and have gone thru it too and you end up sharing how you get though the day, weeks, then months.  We shouldn’t be afraid to discuss these issues here as long as they are within boundaries of the forum rules. 

I do hope that Matt comes back; I think that this forum can give him a lot of support if he lets us.  As long as I have been a mod here all the discussion regarding sexual assaults has been posted by females.  I know that there is a high number of male sexual assaults and this has to be so very difficult for them to speak about as it does basically strip you of your confidence, manhood, and all that you base your self on.  Oprah not too long ago had that football player on Leveronus (sp?) James (I dont know what team he plays for) but he admitted that he was assaulted by his mothers boyfriend for several years.  Just watching it you could tell how hard after all those years it was for him still to talk about.  These things never go away for those that suffered this abuse; we all should be kind, caring and respectful to those who post about these types of situations.

Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 2/5/2007 11:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Wizzer,
I am so glad you commented on this as Matt's post has been on my mind.  The post was not locked because of what Matt had to say, but because of some of the replies and we didn't want anything getting out of hand with people's opinions.  I feel very sad that Matt has not returned to the forum as it must have taken him such courage to post in the first place.  I hope that he does come back because I'm sure members here would want to support him and  I feel that he was almost pushed away a little.
Thankyou for your concern over his post and that alone just shows how supportive you are of members here and their problems.  We all hope he returns and posts again.
Take care wizzer

Victoria x

Contact me at:

Xx Sometimes we all have to go a little crazy just to stay sane xX


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