I know what it feels like to feel that down, and the only way you can see out of it is for it to end, or be ended.
I too went through a stage of having no friends, and even though Ihad m boyfriend I still felt so alone and helpless.
I didn't want to share with anyone the pain I was going through, other than the people online. Even though I was making very regular hospital visits,they had no clue until I really hit rock bottom that there was anything wrong. When I did get upset infront of anyone, I blaimed it on hormones. I didn't want help, but I also didn't want to feel the way I was feeling.
When my doctor finally worked out there was something seriously wrong, I couldn't look at anyone, I wore baseball caps to conceal my face. I didn't want anyone to see how upset I was. My doctor sent me to a psychiatrist, and I was extremely sceptic at first. I didn't want to share my pain, I didn't want anyone to know what I was hiding. The first appointment went extremely well though. Rather than explaining why I felt like I did. The Psychiatrist gentally probed, asking questions about my general life. After a couple of sessions I finally started opening up a little at a time. It was a long and rocky road, and I still have major bouts of depression, even now.
I'm getting better though, and still see my psychiatrist every few weeks. I'm still on my antidepressants. And can tell when I come off them. While I'm on them though, and there working for me, I'm doing as much fun stuff as physically possible. So I can look back and see something good and happy that happened.
I suggest you talk to a councillor or a psychiatrist, and get your medication changed. The ones your using are obviously not working for you, and there are lots more to try. I suggest when you do feel amoment of happyness, do something positive and happy with it. So when your down, you can look back and go 'see I can be happy, that was a happy moment!'
Don't be afraid of talking stuff through. If you ever need a person to chat to, I'm around most of the time. My email address should be on my profile.
You don't have to go through this alone hun, and hopefully you will soon see there is a brighter light at the end of the tunnel, than the one your predicting.
It's true!: Smile and the whole world smiles with you. Frown and the world turns upside down.
Diagnosed with: Cystic Fibrosis, Asthma, ABPA, Clinical Depression, Mild liver cirrohsis, mild osteopenia. Waiting for final diagnosis on Muscular Dystrophy type symptoms.
Allergies: Any dressing except Mepilex border. Even plasters make my skin blister. Hayfever, Tazocin, Tobromycin, Ibruprofen, Asprin, Codeine, Mirtazapine.
I have a pretty little port-a-cath on left side of chest wall
Post Edited (Darkies Gem) : 2/12/2007 8:44:33 AM (GMT-7)