Problems with Relationship

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Judi Bee
New Member

Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 2/15/2007 10:08 PM (GMT -6)   
hay every1.
need to go on a ramble.
ok, so l8ly ive been feeling worse than ever.  My doctor has increased my meds..again, and im feeling no better.  So i decided i may do somthing about it.  I left my well paid stressful job 2 somthing meaningless that just about covers the bills, thinking it was possibly a main sorce of my depression.  oh no, i was wrong. now im even more depressed and broke!.
So now that i have more time on my hands, i have more time to concentrate on my personal life.  Ive been seeing someone for about 5months now.  I am completly head over heels for him, he is fantastic, that one in a million guy.  However, he dosnt seem 2 understand my depression.  He is so sensitive and everytime i feel bad, he thinks it is his fault and then he gets upset.  alough i have explained countless times its nothing to do with him.  So this then puts added pressure on me.  I need the affection but i dont need the hastle of it all.
what should i do???

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 617
   Posted 2/15/2007 11:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Judi Bee,
First of all, guys just aren't wired the way women are wired.  That book, "Women are from Mars, Men are from Venus" it totally true.  When we come home from a bad day at work, we have the need to vent all our frustrations.  Men think it's their responsibility to fix everything, like women are just waiting for a solution for the problem from the man, which we are not.  It's just the way it is.  Talk to you significant other and tell him you are just blowing off steam, and emphasize that you don't expect him to fix things for you.  This can go a long way toward smoothing over hurt feelings.
Not knowing what is at the root of your depression, it's difficult to give you specific advise.  However, quitting the stressful job was a good idea, if it allowed you to relax some.  However, since you seem to hate what you are doing now, keep looking for a job that you would enjoy.  If money is an issue, maybe you can find a couple different things to do, to increase your income.
Being divorced brings baggage automatically, regardless of how things ended.  I know, I've been there and done that.  I kicked out my cheatin' husband after five years of marriage.  I was totally stressed out by my job, then I would come home to a man that was a "bubble boy".  Turns out, he has Aspbergers Syndrome, a form of Autism.  Yeah, try living with a man with brain damage.  
Anyway, the point I was trying to get to is that from the time we are small, we form a picture of what our life should look like when we are adults.  When things don't turn out that way, it is very hard to reconcile your "idealized life" to the way your life turned out.  By now, I should have been happily married, had some kids, a house, ideal career, loads of friends, and a dog(cat).  I actually am divorced, no kids, rent a townhouse, and I am disabled by several serious medical problems so I can't work, and I have no friends anymore.  The only thing I do have is the cat(well, three cats).  I never figured I'd be the little old lady who lives with her cats.  This discrepancy plays havoc with my psyche.
My parents are always bugging me to get out of the house and go somewhere, to so something other than sit around my townhouse.  I hate going out because I see all these people having their perfect little lives.  Logically, I know that these people have problems too, but I just "resent" people in general. 
Consider yourself lucky that you someone in your life who cares for you.  Try to enjoy the time you have together, and maybe make a pact that you both can only "gripe" for x number of minutes, then the rest of the time is strictly for fun-time.  Try this out and see if it works for you.
Let us know how you are doing.
Leigh Ann cool

"The weather is here, I wish you were beautiful."
                                             - Jimmy Buffett

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