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Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 553
   Posted 2/18/2007 3:44 AM (GMT -6)   
 I am here. It’s 2:10 am and I can’t sleep again. My kids are asleep and my husband is at work till morning. I feel like I am drowning in myself. I have SEVERE depression that has affected every moment of my life lately, and even though I have started medication the only thing it’s doing is giving me lousy side effects. My mood has only gotten worse.
I sit here with no one to talk to, and I’m scared about how down I feel. It actually physically hurts. I want help, but the only thing I want to do now is hide. I wish I could just let myself sink within, but for my kids and my husband i don’t.
Someone has been here and gotten through. I need talked through this and no one is here to do it in person. HELP

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 553
   Posted 2/18/2007 4:03 AM (GMT -6)   
Please respond.

It's 3am and I'm still lurking arround. I don't think I will sleep tonight- even though I have taken some PM OTC pain meds.

Just to knkow that someone is out there too.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 2/18/2007 4:56 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Christina,

I am sorry for what you are going through. How long have you been on medication and what are you taking?

I was in the place that you are last year and I thought I would never get better but I have. Its been a long road but I am getting there, I can understand what you are going through. It's a postive thing that you are thinking about your husband and children - keep that thought with you always. They will keep you going.

Medication takes a while to start working properly and the side effects will go. If you carry on feeling this bad, please visit your doctor again. There is help out there and remember to reach for it when you are feeling low.

I am glad that you found this site - many members here will be able to relate to how you are feeling and offer advice.

Take care and keep in touch

Victoria x

Moderator ~ Depression and Anxiety Forum

Contact me at:

Xx Sometimes we all have to go a little crazy just to stay sane xX

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 2/18/2007 8:40 AM (GMT -6)   
Welcome to the board Christina,
(I love your name by the way,it is my daughters name too! ;))
How long have you been taking the meds? I will tell you that it took my Dr 3 years to finally figure out what he thought I should be on. And then I was on 3 different types for a very long time.
I know it usually takes at least 2 weeks (Long long weeks I know) for the meds to start to kick in.
If it has been that long I would try to at least call your Dr and see what he can do for you.
Depression and having kids is so hard. You try to get the daily things done,you try to smile so that it does not affect them,but at times it is basically impossible.
Does your husband understand? And does he help you thru it at all? I hope you have a support system that you can lean on during your time of need.
Depression is a very hard disease to cope with,and I wish that they would find a magic pill to take it away. Not sure if that will ever happen though.
Just also remember that your kids love you no matter what. And that you can learn to heal,it just might be a bumpy road

Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 248
   Posted 2/18/2007 9:34 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Christina,
I have been in your spot, and I know how horrid it is. Have you been on the meds very long? When I started mine I couldn't sleep at all for the first few nights and kept waiting for them to start working. It took about a week to start feeling a difference and after four weeks I was still pretty messed up so the doc upped my dosage and that helped soooo much!
Please hang in there and keep posting whenever you feel like it.

Martha K.
New Member

Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 2/18/2007 12:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Depression is tough.  I'm thinking that maybe before we have a 'clue' that our minds/bodies are starting down the depression path . . . . we've already been there for a while.  So, when the really YUCK of it sets in . . . so deep . . . into my bone marrow deep . . . I don't realize that it's taken me a while to feel this horrible and maybe I'm gonna have to wait it out for meds and therapy to begin to reach that far inside???
     You're right though: when you are in it, it is all-consuming and really burns and hurts and isolates, etc.  This is not a good time for me.  But just saying this much is doing more than I did yesterday???.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 553
   Posted 2/19/2007 8:55 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm back. Yesterday was the hardest day yet. After being up until about 3:40am I fell asleep wearing the outfit that I had been wearing all day. My kids came to wake me for church at 7:00am. I couldn't do it. My husband came home at 8 to find the kids having gotten their own breakfast and ready for church by themselves (8,6,2) and me still in bed.
He was upset, so I pulled myself up and went with them to church. While I was there I couldn't put the usual "happy face" that I do in public on. Anytime anyone asked "how are you?" I just started to cry.
I ended up in a storage room with a few close friends and my pastor. They developed a plan and yesterday they took my kids.
Yes, I'll say it again- They took my kids.
They are still in town, and I can see them if I want, but they felt that the stress of caring for three kids (and sometimes five when we babysit) was too much. They are gone for a week for me to focus on making myself well. My husband also wants me to call in sick to work (full time job) for a week.
I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I should get the house clean, or the shopping done, or my diet under control- but that's not what this is about. What do I do to "make myself well" that I couldn't do with kids and a job?
They want me to call the Dr back this morning and tell her what's going on. I was taking Zoloft for 3 weeks, but I didn't sleep a full night the whole time, had a headache the whole 3 weeks and had nausea that whole time, although it had improved from the first few days to just a light queasyness. I did nothing for my mood.
She switched me last Monday to Lexapro 10 mg. I know that there hasn't been enough time for it to take effect, but I feel worse. I'm worse this week than I was last, and worse that week than the week before. I'm slipping.
What can you give me? What have you done, beyond starting meds, that improved your situation. I have a week, and a lot of time.

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 2/19/2007 1:53 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi, Christina--

Doesn't it suck that (like Martha said) we try so hard to stave this off that, by the time it hits, it hits so hard?

It's good to hear that there are people around you who can help and that you can take some time to yourself. You may want to do absolutely nothing. That's okay. Don't worry about cleaning unless it gives you active peace to tidy up. Your physical body and mind are probably both exhausted and could use some rest. By letting yourself recuperate, you are doing a great thing for yourself and for your family.

I'm in my first week back on meds, too, and yesterday I thought I was going crazy. (Cymbalta, not even up to the target dose yet. Ugh.) Today I'm at work because I have to be, even though I still can't think, and I'm basically just wasting time until I can return to my cocoon at home. I've found over the past week that I really want comfort and security. So, some things that helped distract me briefly:

-- found a recipe that I used to make, bought the ingredients and made that;

-- I bought and read a light book ("The Devil Wears Prada") straight through;

-- I'm ignoring my husband;

-- listen to classical music in the background;

-- rant on my blog;

-- nap;

-- read a bunch of websites both about depression and about stupid celebrity antics;

-- keep reading David Burns's "Feeling Good" and doing some exercises from the above;

-- cleaned up some drawers (gave me a sense of satisfaction, briefly);

-- watch old star trek episodes;

-- procrastinate, procrastinate, procrastinate.

CBT exercises tend to distract me while I'm waiting for the meds to kick in. The only effect the meds have had so far is that I've stopped crying. I still feel miserable.

What did you end up doing today?

Take care.



Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 553
   Posted 2/19/2007 11:32 PM (GMT -6)   
It was the first morning without the kids. I needed help from my husband getting into the shower. He doesn't work days, so we called the doctor and made an appointment for "esclating depression". He took me to 2 bookstores looking for books on dealing with depression. he took me to lunch at Olive Garden and then out shopping for things for the kid's bathroom.
We got home and my best friend came over for dinner. He left for work and we went out for a movie. (Music and Lyrics) We just got back from that.
Today I almost feel like a fraud. I feel better today than I have in weeks. I actually laughed at the movie.
My friend is going to stay the night since my husband will be gone. I am very lucky to have the support system that I do, I don't know what I would do without it.
Tomorrow I will deal with the kids not here, start one of the books and lean on my supports.

Thanks for being there.
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