When we are in the middle of a depressive episode it can be hard to make good decisions for ourselves. I urge you to tell someone that you trust, your mum, a friend, a school counselor if you have one available or the doctor you went to when you were depressed before. You do need help to get beyond the way you are feeling right now.
You seem to know what the "cause" of your depression is. In a way that means that you are ahead of the game already because so many people don't know anything about why this is happening to them. Ask yourself a few key questions:
1. What are you afraid will happen if you get help?
2. How can getting help be any worse than what you are going through right now? The answer there is that it can't be.
3. What is it that you want to have happen?
I am assuming that your answer will be something like you want all this to get better. In order for this to get better you have to stop hiding it, you have to allow yourself to get help and then you have to be really honest about why you are hurting. Honest with yourself and honest with your heath care giver.
On this site we often say, "We are here for you" or " We understand" and both of those things are true. We can listen and try to offer comfort and advice if you want it. Those things help but the only thing that really helps is you taking control of your depression instead of letting it control you. You have already started to take control because you have tried to identify why you are hurting. You have started to take control by reaching out and coming here. These are great steps and I am so proud of you. Let yourself have the strength to take the next step and tell someone where you are about what you are going through.
Keep coming back here. Once you share here you are part of our community and we will worry about you.
Keep in touch Angel
Walk in harmony