Hi, Well im Female, 24 and from England, UK. Im new here and iv never posted on anything like this before, i dont really know what to say or where to start, iv been sat staring at a blank screen for the past half hour!! But here goes ...
For the past few months iv been severly depressed, well i presume its depression anyway .. iv decided to post here because at the moment its very very bad. I feel so low and i have bad thoughts. i was on anti-depressants a few yrs ago for a while but i didnt feel no different so i stopped, im too scared to see any one professional, im worried about what theyd say to be honest. No one in my family or friends know that im feeling this way, i hide it so well - mainly with fake smiles, fake laughter, long sleeves and baggy clothes! The depression is due to something that happened to me when i was little and again when i was 18, i managed to block it out of from mind for so long but recently its came back to haunt me, i dont sleep because i have nightmares, i dont eat which is another thing, i think im anorexic or something like that, i havent looked into it, but i havent eaten in 3 days and iv probably had about 2 pieces of toast in 2 weeks, i also make myself sick . Last month i ended up in hospital for a few days - self inflicted and badly dehydrated but i refused any help they offered. I have to say the past week has been the worst iv ever felt, im so sad and down and i keep crying.
Iv never told anyone in the 'real' world about my depression and problems nore about what happened to me in the past, but i have told 2 of my friends on the internet about it and it does help talking to them but im sick of being told to 'go see someone', if only it was that easy, i really really dont want to . But i dont know what to do anymore, the bad thoughts are taking over!
Wow iv just read over what i have written and didnt realise i had wrote so much so i think i should stop there otherwise it will end up looking like a book! Sorry its so long!