Hi restless1, we went through some similiar thing within our family recently. My mother and I didnt see or speak to my younger brother for 3 years. It was his choice as he was angry that my mom had gotten remarried and upset with me for supporting her in that decision. Everyone in our family is so very stubborn and wont give an inch to reach out to the other or admit they where wrong and that is where the problems lay mostly. It wasnt until last October when I had heard from my crazy aunt who lives several hundred miles away that my brother and his girlfriend who had just given birth to twins had serious problems with one of the girls and she (the baby) may not make it. So I called him and since we have been able to repair and work on the damage that was done to our relationship as has my mom and him.
Family dynamics are always so very complicated and they do run much thicker then any relationship or friendship. I know if I had sent my brother a letter during that seperated time he would of ignored it. In my opinion you need to try to put some of your personal matters aside and assist your husband...this is your family. You need to speak to him about or if any of his behaviors have contributed to his seperation...with being distant maybe?...I dont know. Then perhaps you need to go make a visit face to face with your child, in my opinion. If that doesnt work then let them be, you would of gotten the chance to voice your feelings and then the ball is in their court and up to them to make the decision. Hopefully it would be the right one. I truly hope you and your husband can fix these problems together.