Posted 2/26/2007 6:35 PM (GMT -6)
I came here because I needed to talk to someone not in my family or my friends. They are, I am very sure, tired of me. I am tired of myself. I feel such a well of despair right now. I feel that I am a total failure in life, and if it weren't for my beloved cats, I would kill myself.
Let me start with my story. Several weeks ago, January 10th, to be exact, I got fired from my job. It was not a job I particularly liked, and I got fired for surfing the Internet at work. It's not that I did not get my work done, but I was bored a great deal, and in just trying to cope with the stress of boredom, I turned to the Internet for relief. And ended up losing my job. And even though I have a good reference from someone (not my supervisor) there, it still doesn't change the fact that I was fired.
I immediately felt such strong feelings of shame that some days I did not even make it out of the house. I did work up a new resume, but because I felt such shame over losing my job, I put down that I was still at that job, hoping to quickly get a new job and not have to explain that I was FIRED from my last job for something as embarrassing as surfing the Internet.
Well, today the lie ended. A recruiter called my former workplace and found out that I am not there. She immediately called me at my house and told me that under no circumstances would she be placing me. I just stammered that I understood and that I was sorry.
That was around nine thirty this morning. It's six thirty now, and I still haven't eaten anything or gotten out of my pyjamas. I feel that I will be spending the rest of my life working at Wal-Mart or McDonald's because NO ONE wants to hire someone who was fired for surfing the Internet. I can't even talk about this with my family because I am so ashamed of what I have done and how my life has turned out. I have a college degree and a Master's degree, but I can't get a job, at least not at this point.
The obsessive thoughts are the worst. I can't stop thinking about a future of unemployment or desolation and disgrace.