Hi polly, It is good to see you back here
I am very sorry about
your mom, I am sure that it was it terrible thing for you to go through with her loss. I wonder if you still had your dad that cared for you after that? or did you live with grandparents?
There are lots of kids and adults that have self esteem issues. These do usually begin in childhood and can be from a traumatic event or an unstable upbringing. Kids can be so mean to each other and not even realize how much it does tear away at the other persons outlook of themselves. The thing is that you have to build your armor around yourself and know that your better then those people who say those hateful things. Those people and their "words" dont matter and shouldnt matter...they are not friends. It is hard not to let it hurt you but when you find yourself and your inner strength it will all just fall away.
Polly, it sounds like you may be suffering with some kind of anxiety problem. I wonder if you have been to see a doctor about any of the feelings you have had or are having? If not I strongly recommend that you do. I think you will find that it may be helpful especially if you are able to find the right balance in learning of what is going on and how to control it. Please do keep posting and letting us know how your doing...take care