Need some support with spouse - he's depressed again and will not seek help and is in denial !

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

New Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 3/17/2007 6:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Here we go again.  I've been married to him for 21 years.  I know the signs.  I am so drained from being around his depression that I feel like running away and never coming back!  Help!  What can I do to stop geting sucked into it?

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 3/17/2007 9:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi there nojewels..Welcome to HW..glad you found us tongue
Concerning your husband..(a) you deserve a gold medal for endurance (b) you can take a horse to water but you cannot make it drink lol.
My suggestion is to be 'firm' with him this time..a gentle reminder of last time he was depressed make help.
One of the reasons for denial from him maybe that he doesn't want to put you thru this all over again and thinks that he can fight this all on his own eyes (been there done that myself..sheesh think I would have learned by now lol)..
The other reason for demial could be that he really doesn't want to go down that road again either - it's exhausting (for both of you I am sure) really gets to the point where you get sooo dissappointed in yourself - and understanding why the heck it is happening is beyond comprehension.
I am sure you will have lots of helpful replies. Keep us posted with your progress.
Does your husband know about this website? Maybe if he read some of the postings and info available it just might be a step in the right direction..
Forum Moderator - Depression
Forum Moderator - Anxiety-Panic Disorders
"In any moment of decision,
the best thing you can do is the right thing,
the next best thing is the wrong thing,
and the worst thing you can do is nothing."
Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. 

olivia of course
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 3/17/2007 10:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Maree, I totally agree with you.  It is not an easy task trying to convince someone to get help.  Especially, if they don't think they need it, or they are afraid to.
It took me a long time to get help.  nojewels, I was terrified of what I was going to hear from the Dr. but deep inside I already knew.
If he was diagnosed by a Dr. try to ask him about it, and try to contact the Dr. and ask for help.  You cannot do it alone, and then someone who is trained to handle it will be your best source.
Best wishes! :-)


"Don't let your yesterday ruin your today."

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 3/18/2007 10:27 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi nojewels, welcome to healing well, we are happy to have you join us here.  Maree has some good advice for you here.  Depression is difficult for everyone who is involved with the person who actually has this disorder.  It is sad that those of us who do have clinical depression or major depression do and will suffer with this for the rest of our lives.  The key to staying mentally healthly is knowing the signs of when your depression is starting to return and trying to head them off by speaking to your doctor and trying to get a medication change or adjustment.
You didnt mention in your post if your husband is on medication or seeing a psychiatrist for treatment.  For some of us stress can trigger depressive symptoms quickly and it is difficult to get the help you before hand.  It is so important for people who have depression to have a strong support system...I know seeing him go through this is difficult for you however, you can strongly encourage him to get to the doctor and get help. 
Please do keep us posted on how you both are doing...we are always here

Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 540
   Posted 3/18/2007 6:05 PM (GMT -6)   
hi nojewels,

I hear your heart, as my hubby of almost 21 yrs suffers from depression too. One of the best things I've done for myself is to get into some type of therapy. Talking to someone about how you are feeling helps to but things into perspective.

there is a support board for people with depressed spouses or sig/others called depression fallout. You might want to check that out.

I know exactly how you feel. Educate yourself about this disease, and once you realize that your hubby isn't doing this on purpose helps. That doesn't mean that you have to put up with abuse of any kind. Learn about boundaries and how to put them in place. Helped me tremendously.

My hubby went to bed Fri night at 11pm and got up this morning[Sunday]. At least he made it thru the week and didn't miss work. I used to get upset about this when he would sleep forever, but now I know that when things get so bad its the only way he can cope, and he isn't doing it to hurt us.

Hang on sister! You can do it!

dx: fibromyalgia, IBS-C,Myofacial Pain Syndrome, Chronic Headaches, hypothyroidism,anemia, insomnia,mild depression.
Clonazapam .25mgs, Oxy IR 2.5-3xs/day 5 mgs at bedtime, Synthroid, Zopiclone, flexeril or baclafen, L-tryptophan
Supplements:  Licorcise extract, Seriphos, professional vit/mineral, magnesium/malic acid, B#5, probiotic, Ester C, P5P[B6 supplement]
Daughter Jerica 17, Dx: Crohn's, Imuran 150 mgs, amitriptyline 20mgs,   lactaid pills, calcium 1000 mgs/day. Forvia, waiting for first Remicade infusion
 Husband with treatment resistant depression   Effexor-900mgs
Jerimiah 29:11                      

New Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 3/19/2007 1:12 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you everyone for you replies.  I will check out the support group on line for depressed spouses. Also my husband has been to doctors and counselors in the past and he has been on Prozac and Paxil and neither seem to do him much good.  I used to attend a alanon group which was great for learning about boundries and not getting sucked into someone else's issues and I haven't been for a while.  It does feel better knowing that there are other spouses in the same situation and I would like to know how they cope with the constant energy draining. 
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Friday, August 17, 2018 6:17 AM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 2,993,585 posts in 328,054 threads.
View Active Threads

Who's Online
This forum has 161237 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Julian2193.
237 Guest(s), 5 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
csorthofeet, Kent M., lotuslight, edabitit, Normal59