Last time I posted on here. I'd just been up to the hospital to see my psychiatrist. She'd upped my Sertraline to 150mg. Aswell as that, my team gave me 2 new antibiotics (Clarythromycin and Augementin) and orderd me to take regular doses of paracetamol and Nefopam to battle pain.
I took the first dose of all these on Thursday (My appointment was on a Wednesday) 40 minutes later however, I'm throwing up eveywhere, constinuous tears streaming down my face, I could hardley lift my head from the sofa, and had gone pure white.
I was rushed back up to the hospital, and stayed in for 2 weeks. They reduced my sertraline back to 100mg, told me to take no more painkillers, started me on 3 different antisickness meds (cyclizine, domperidone and metoclopromide) and a nice saline and dextrose drip. Eventually they stabalised me back into a more normal condition.
Since coming home however (I've been out a week as of last Wednesday), I've been feeling really really low. My depression is coming back fast, and I'm feeling more and more down.
I'm just wanting to sleep continuously, it's taking a lot to rouse me, and when I do wake,I just want to curl up and go back to sleep.
What happened when I went into hospital, still hasn't been diagnosed. But they took away the antibiotics aswell. The pharmacist doesn't want me to up my sertraline again, or take any of those antibiotics, until they can work it out.
My psychiatrist wants me to go back onto Mirtazapine, as while they thought I used to be allergic, the symptoms were probably just coincedence. I agree, that it's something I'd like to do, as for me to feel healthier, I need to feel happier. At the moment all my energy is going into making myself feel happier, by walking to bf's mum's house, getting dressed up, and plastering on makeup. All these things take a lot of energy,which I need for batteling with my health. While I'm wanting to get out of the house though, I'm also finding, I can't until Ifind a way in which I feel comfortable to leave it. Which is where the makeup and dressing up comes in.
The pharmacy however is saying no too anything my psychiatrist is saying which may help me, and it's getting annoying, as I just don't have the energy or mental strength for fighting my health and depression. I think this could possibly be why I'm so tired.
I have the mirtazapine at home anyway, and I know there still on my GP precription. I want to start on small dose, just while I'm waiting for the pharmacy, but the pharmacy won't explain to us why there refusing me having 2 antidpressants. So I'm worriedto start on Mirtazapine, if it's something bad.
I know that life can't be solved by antidepressants, and one day I will probably have to come off them. But right now, it's something I need. I have a lot going on in my little mind, and I just need it numbed down, so I can put some concentration into healing myself.
Also they've took me off my antisickness meds, and I'm starting to not eat again, due to feeling sick. Pharmacy keep telling me the 3 shouldn't work together, but they have been doing. 2 of them were doing nothing, but add the third, and it was making a perfect combination for my body.
Unfortunately though, there also raising my prolactin levels. So they've had to be removed from my list.
It's just annoying as I can live with the little side effects, as long as I can still be awake, and happy, and not in pain. It's weird, as there content to give me huge doses of IV antibiotics about 3 times the quantity a person should have,and let them poisen my whole system, making me feel worse. But there not happy to give me the things that cause raised prolactin levels, or hiccups or some little thing like that. I really think they need to sort there priorities out.
I should be really happy right now, we've finally got money for wedding. But I can't help feeling stressed and sad. I'm also worried, as i'm just waiting for my weight to drop off again,and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I've tried making every meal I eat,high calorie, but i end up feeling full and sick quicker. If I force feed when feeling sick, I throw up.
If my weights not back soon, I'm gonna start getting an increase in infections, which means more poisenous IV's been pumped through my system.
The hospital should be making me feel better not worse, surely?
The only thing that's easing my pain right now is physical pain. But if I keep getting piercings to make myself feel better, l'm gonna look like a pin cusion. Plus, although Ihave just had my eyebrow pierced because I wanted it done, there's nothing else I want done. I wouldn't causephysical pain any otherway, as I don't want to haveto spend any more time at the hospital. And I've been warned next step if my depression gets where i have to hurt myself is 2 weeks on the psychiatric ward.
Sorry for babbling, long post.
I didn't realise I have more on my mind than I thought. I just want to feel like a used to. and be able to cope like I did when in school. Unfortunately hiding under my coat is no longer seen as a constructive method of dealing with my depression.
I hope everyone else is ok