TODAY, I am ready to surrender...
I honestly feel like giving up, this has went on far too long now. I feel like ending my relationship, it is far too much hard work for me, it is the last thing I want to do but I can't go on feeling like this towards him anymore, it is killing me, I just don't know whats going on with me?!
My mood feels fine! But my feelings feel different, a dark blanket has emereged over them, I was out last night with work and I really enjoyed myself and today when I think back on it, that nice warm feeling you get when you think back on a nice event wasn't still isn't there, instead I get that tight, short of breath sort of feeling in my chest/heart the same one i get associated with my bf,
God i feel gutted, I feel teary everyday, why can't I go one day without being weird! I feel like I'm lying when I'm writing this, I know that doesn't make sense but it's like everything I'm doing or feeling I question, like its no true, but I don't feel any other way, My dog died a couple of days ago, and although I cried at the time the very next day and today I have been fine like it never happened, that is NOT me, what is going on with me?
My councillor told me she doesn't think I have full blown depression, so have I made all this up, is my relationship doomed and are these the feelings I'm gonna feel forever? I know you all may think I go on about my relationship so much, but its the most important thing to me in the whole world and I just don't understand how I could snap so easily and go from loving him to pieces to him feeling like a stranger to me in the matter of 24 hours.
Is this going to to be my life forever, if so I don't think I can handle it much longer