Posted 3/31/2007 12:16 PM (GMT -6)
My wife has a long history with mental illness & depression. I knew this wehn we got married. I have always been her rock. Overall she has things a lot more in check now than she she has in the past, but still suffers.
I on the other hand, never had any problems until a major work reorg now about 10 years ago, where I got the shaft.
I started suffering from symptoms I still can't explain. They really fit more into the mold of panic attacks, but as with everything single thing in my life, they were nom specific.
Anxiety, panic attacks, have a specific beginning and end time. (of course not usually brought on by something specific). Mine were never like that. A kind of dizziness, could pas out feeling. A very cloudy brain. But could never be put into a time frame.
Anyway they started treating me for depression/anxiety about 10 yrs ago.
Sometimes I am tired of trying to be her rooting section. Sometimes I just can't do it.
I snapped at her last night for maybe the 2nd or 3rd time in 18+ years. Not a big snap mind you, I just blasted her, because she said my gum was making her sick.
I now can't chew gum along with many other concessions made over the years. I defifintely just gave in to everything many many years back. I am just tired of everything.
The sad fact is that we really share no common interests other than our pets.
Really none that I can think of.
My guess is that if we both weren't kind of dependent on the other, we would be looking at a split. I think we are both way too affraid of that prospect.
My guess is that is exactly what she and I were both thinking during the 30 minutes or so of silence after the gum incident.
I am also going through withdrawal from Effexor (see the effexor withdrawal thread) and I vowed not to make any kinds of crazy decisions until that is all clear. But those feelings are not new, but I will not make any rash decisions either.
Everyone I know has asked how I have managed to put up with it for all these years. Even mom & mil.
She has lost her hearing within the last 5 years in totally unrelated circumstances, plus has constant tinittus, which has caused a lot of problems and lander her on disability.
How can I ever leave someone that is on disability? I can't.
So you see all this home theater stuff, is great except she can't handle anything with lots of volume. So even when I do set it up, I will only get to fully enjoy it in rare circumstances. Why did I even get all this stuff? I don't know.
Sorry about the rant, but it all came flowing out. Of course there is a lot more to it. Any of course I feel the the bad guy, guilty party in whatever I do. I feel like I have pushed her away, which maybe I have.
Anyway everyone enjoy your weekend.
I gues I answered the question of 2 depressed people in one house; it's not easy.