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Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 4/8/2007 1:48 PM (GMT -6)   
I have been living with severe anxiety and depression for 25 years, and I was able to stay away from my emotioanlly abusive father for a long time just so I wouldn't get worse. My mother has Alzheimer's now, and he is her care giver. I really have to watch out for her her which means constant conflicts with him where he puts me down in every way. I am right at the edge calling hotlines on the time, ending up in the hospital for a few days last month after a small overdose before calling a hotline. There is noone else to help with my mother and I don't want to stay in a a psych ward.I was committed to a stste hospital as a teen and it was really unpleasant.The adult wards looked terrifying then and I didn't really get better.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 4/9/2007 4:28 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there bigchicken and welcome to HW tongue
Seems to me that you have had a rough 25 years..
And now it could be time to take back a little control in your life and start working towards feeling better.
Ok, so now you have to face your father on a constant basis because he is the caregiver of your mother...sheesh that's gotta be difficult for you..but hey, you Are coping thru all this even tho he is putting you down etc...and that tells me that you are stronger than you think!
Abusive people thrive on the 'reaction' of not taking the bait and biting, or turning into the complete victim at the smallest remark you take away his fun - once he realises that you are not gonna play this game anymore he will soon become bored :-)   believe me it works lol..
Counselling/therapy is a great place to learn skills for coping with this sort of thing..I wish you well and think it's great that you care about your mum and are being sooo brave about all this regardless of your feelings towards your father. 
Take good care and keep us posted.
Forum Moderator - Depression
Forum Moderator - Anxiety-Panic Disorders
"In any moment of decision,
the best thing you can do is the right thing,
the next best thing is the wrong thing,
and the worst thing you can do is nothing."
Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 4/9/2007 5:30 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Big Chicken, Welcome to Healing Well.
I ageree with Maree, counselling may help you and give you the skills you need to cope with this man. I admire your strength for coping with this and you really are a strong person. There is no shame in having spent time in a psych ward, I have done myself when I suffered from depression.
You are a good person who wants to be there for her mother and I think you are very brave for being so committed to helping your mother when you are having such a bad time coping with your father.

Keep in touch with us and stay strong

Victoria x

Moderator ~ Depression and Anxiety Forum

Xx Sometimes we all have to go a little crazy just to stay sane xX

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 4/9/2007 5:37 AM (GMT -6)   
I am sorry to hear about your mum. It would seem that your father hasnt improved with age from what you have said. There are many different coping strategies out there. A professional is the best person to speak to about these as they have much more knowledge on the subject than I do. I agree with JordanZone. You are obvously stronger inside than maybe you realise. You have been through 25 years of this and you are still here to tell the tale. Counselling is a great way to start to deal with such things.
I live in the UK and don't know much about the health system in the US but in the Uk we have what we call 'Care Homes'. Basically a big house where a nursing team take care of elderly, infirm, etc...Some of those provide excellent care and can be quite affordable. Do you have similar things in the states? For some people, there is a moral objection to those so maybe this isnt an option.
Let us know how you get on.
Warmest Wishes
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.

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