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New Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 4/15/2007 12:43 PM (GMT -6)   
After 9 months of trying to figure out why my depression has come back to varying degrees, i still don't know. Everyday its something different and i just really feel pretty helpless. My boyfriend, family and friends aren't really helping, actually it they make it worse most of the time. There's just so many things that i don't need to put up with but it won't go away. I started college in August and I feel more like a prisoner more than a student. People don't like me here and i'm always by myself. I hate it. My boyfriend doesn't visit me much and because of that, we're forced to talking online and end up fighting more than having real conversations. A lot of the time its an emotionally abusive relationship, with him just making me feel stupid and like I'm not worth anything. I don't know how to make things better with him and that's all i want. He used to make me happy but everyday, it doesn't seem to make me smile anymore. I hate to say it but the reason why i stay with him is because its almost been a year and because i really do love him. My family thinks I'm joking when i complain about being here away from home and mostly just laugh about it when i try to get a point across. They keep reminding me a countdown of how many days until I'm back home..but it doesn't change the fact that 3 months later, I'm back here.

I stopped cutting and hurting myself before leaving for college because I didn't want suspicions or be questioned by friends or my roommate. However, i did it once back in December because thats what i knew made me feel better. And to make matters worse, i have an eating disorder and every time someone makes me feel i'm worthless and just not perfect, it escalates. I'm sick of locking myself in the makeshift bathroom i have here and just letting my frustrations out and crying. I'm sick of being sad when I shouldn't be. All i want is to be happy and i want to know how i can be. I wish i didn't get upset so easily. I just want help and to get better. I really wish there was just someone who's been going through the same things I am. Because I keep looking but i just can't find someone who relates...

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 4/15/2007 8:26 PM (GMT -6)   

I sure you'll find many people who can relate to you. I was just wondering, have you done anything to help depression? Meds or counseling?

~"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." ~Helen Keller

New Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 4/15/2007 8:34 PM (GMT -6)   
i've gone to counseling and the last time i did, i didnt like it. also during then, i was too young for my parents thought i had a real problem instead of just having a bad day so they opted out of trying medication or anything. maybe this time, i dont know. 4 years later and they still dont believe something is really wrong.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 4/16/2007 6:54 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Joli
Welcome to the board,I am very glad that you found us.
If your b/f is making you feel like crap,then quite frankly you need to really rethink that relationship. I was in an abusive relationship for 13 years,and even after 5 years I still am not completely over it.

Have you talked to him about it? Maybe make a point to call him on it every time he does it. Just tell him "this is mental abuse and I am not taking it anymore.
My current b/f started making me feel like crap quite a bit,and I finally got sick of it and laid it on the line basically. I told him that there was no way I was going to take that from him and I started pointing it out every time he did it.
We have not had any problems since.
I also made it a point to tell him that I do not treat him like that,so I do not expect to be treated in the same manner.

As far as school is there any clubs that you can join to try to meet new people?
Maybe getting out and about more, might help you with your depression.
Have you been to the doctor about the depression and the cutting? I think counseling would help you alot too.
Please post here and let us know how you are doing.

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

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