My life has truly taken a turn for the worst! I have been struggling with my depression and vns for the last several months and have kept the faith only because the few medical professionals I had on my side were active in my treatmet.
That however has changed. With repeated requests for help in understanding what and why I am going through the issues I am, I have managed to "over-grease" the squeaky wheel. Upon seeing my doctor yesterday, he decided to turn off my vns stimulator. He was extremely frustrated with me, in my opinion because of the constant requests that his office staff took for granted. When I expressed that I was concerned that my depression would get worse, he referred me to a psychiatrist. This was the most devastating thing I had heard, I have no longer trusted any doctor for many years and now the one doctor I trusted wants to put me in the hands of a psychiatrist knowing that this is something that I would never consider! To me, he had given up on me and after turning off my vns, would not be surprised if the next call he got regarding my health would not be a good one. How could he let me leave his office knowing that without the vns intervention, it was like sending a sheep out into the field with wild dogs waiting to pounce?
However, I did contact the doctor he wants me to see because I care enough about my life that I will try just one more doctor, this doctor does not even know how to treat patients that are receiving vns! How could my doctor do this? I give up, I dont have the energy or the time to put into another doctor in order to be side-stepped again.
I have realized that in the medical field, no matter how hard you push to ensure that you don't lay down for depression, that you are only a number and only when you "lay down" are you considered a reason to make "things better!"
After all statistics make all the rules, right? The more numbers we have the more apt we are to get the help that we as the "numbers" have put in place.
As a number, I feel important. AS A PERSON WITH MENTAL ILLNESS I AM A NOTHING TO THE ONES THAT GOVERN MY ABILITY TO SUCCEED!!!!!!