Oh my!!! How I can relate with what you are saying, it is like you are walking in my shoes so many years ago. I encourage you to look at some of my posts I have authored to give you insight to what I went through with my depression, suicide attempt and loss of custody that almost drove me to do things that would have landed me in jail for the duration of my life. This was the year 1997 when I tried to OD when i woke up, I found that my two baby girls 4 and 11 were gone and living with their fathers. I remember laying outside their bedroom for days crying. I left their cereal bowls that they last ate of sit in the sink until mold grew in them, IT WAS THE WORST THING I THOUGHT I WOULD EVER GO THROUGH!!!!!
Sweety, I have been there and I can tell you that I know exactly how you are feeling and there is nothing anyone can say to make it better. However, let this woman that now looks at her two beautiful daughters, 20 and 14 and think to myself, thank God for the strength to endure all that pain years ago. I would not be able to share with them the wonderful things that will happen from this day forward. Sure, I regret missing their first date, I missed them turning into teenagers and just missed out on being their mom, but I am still their mom and I won't let a day go by without remembering how important it is to grow with them...
Please take this advice and I know that they are just words but I HAVE LIVED EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH!!!!!
The first thing that you need to do is get yourself together. No talk of self-harm, hopelessness or anything negative. I know, you feel that way but as you have seen, society doesn't care about how you feel, it is all in the presentation. I validate your feelings but chin up in front of these so called "I want the best for everyone" people. Find out what steps you have to go through in order to regain your child. You may go weeks, or even months without seeing her. This will be hard but you may have to. I had very little income and no family or friends to lean on so I did all this myself. First and foremost, YOU have to find out what you must do NOW!!! Seek out people or organizations that may advocate for you in court. In my case I had to undergo extensive psych evals set up by the courts.
Do this first and then if you have to email me with any questions, feel free to do that. There are many people here that are willing to help you. I however have walked in your shoes and can give you personal insight on certain aspects of your situation that unless you have been there you can't understand.
I am here for you and will help you as best I can to get through this.
It will hurt and feel like nothing you have ever imagined but you will get through it!!!!!!
Keep me informed and keep your chin up!