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lil miss
New Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 4/30/2007 5:20 PM (GMT -6)   
My little girls 14months now, she hasnt been living with me since she was four and a half months old, you see after a family arguement my social worker came out to see me, we talked things through he told me he was going to take my baby girl to my friends, (stop just think pillar of community i trust this man have faith in him to help me,) instead he gave her to the paternal grandmother and told me id lost my child for good. At the time i was suffering frm postnatal deppression so hearing id lost the one thing in life i live and breath for i took an overdose, didnt work and im glad of that because im now fighting to get her bk, and one thing i will say is its the biggest battle of my life. like ive said some days are so hard i wanna give up and then i see her face and realise i cant, shes my girl my baby girl i love her with all my heart and soul, shes my life shes the air i breath, to lose her would be the end of life for me.
 I guess what im trying to say is ive made a mistake (the overdose) and now it feels like im paying a life sentance for doing it. Every night i dream about wat happened it still tares me apart but ill keep fighting till the end.
 PS. i do see a counsillour every other week, no help though she ses the same stuff day in day out, all she goes on about is that horrible day the one i seem to be stuck in when i dont see my little girl my angel.xx sad

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 4/30/2007 9:16 PM (GMT -6)   
sad  LIL MISS~
Oh my!!!  How I can relate with what you are saying, it is like you are walking in my shoes so many years ago.  I encourage you to look at some of my posts I have authored to give you insight to what I went through with my depression, suicide attempt and loss of custody that almost drove me to do things that would have landed me in jail for the duration of my life.  This was the year 1997 when I tried to OD when i woke up, I found that my two baby girls 4 and 11 were gone and living with their fathers.  I remember laying outside their bedroom for days crying.  I left their cereal bowls that they last ate of sit in the sink until mold grew in them, IT WAS THE WORST THING I THOUGHT I WOULD EVER GO THROUGH!!!!!
Sweety, I have been there and I can tell you that I know exactly how you are feeling and there is nothing anyone can say to make it better.  However, let this woman that now looks at her two beautiful daughters, 20 and 14 and think to myself, thank God for the strength to endure all that pain years ago.  I would not be able to share with them the wonderful things that will happen from this day forward.  Sure, I regret missing their first date, I missed them turning into teenagers and just missed out on being their mom, but I am still their mom and I won't let a day go by without remembering how important it is to grow with them...
Please take this advice and I know that they are just words but I HAVE LIVED EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH!!!!!
The first thing that you need to do is get yourself together.  No talk of self-harm, hopelessness or anything negative.  I know, you feel that way but as you have seen, society doesn't care about how you feel, it is all in the presentation.  I validate your feelings but chin up in front of these so called "I want the best for everyone" people.  Find out what steps you have to go through in order to regain your child.  You may go weeks, or even months without seeing her.  This will be hard but you may have to.  I had very little income and no family or friends to lean on so I did all this myself.  First and foremost, YOU have to find out what you must do NOW!!!  Seek out people or organizations that may advocate for you in court.  In my case I had to undergo extensive psych evals set up by the courts.
Do this first and then if you have to email me with any questions, feel free to do that.  There are many people here that are willing to help you.  I however have walked in your shoes and can give you personal insight on certain aspects of your situation that unless you have been there you can't understand.
I am here for you and will help you as best I can to get through this.
It will hurt and feel like nothing you have ever imagined but you will get through it!!!!!!
Keep me informed and keep your chin up!

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 64
   Posted 5/1/2007 2:56 AM (GMT -6)   
lil miss,
Try to get your life back together. If they see a positive change maybe you can get her back. Use this time to work on yourself. Do you take medications? I'm on lexapro because of my situation. My story is called "It's so so hard sometimes." Not sleeping is torture. I think faithfully4you knows more than me on how to help you. Maybe a medication will help you if you get the right one.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 5/1/2007 3:34 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi lil miss..
Well, you have had some fantastic advice and understanding given to in the last two replies.. :-)
How about asking for a referral to another counsellor? I think it's great that you wanna move on from the day that you lost your daughter..that's, what is the next step you have to make in your life towards feeling better in yourself?
Keep posting.
Forum Moderator - Depression
Forum Moderator - Anxiety-Panic Disorders
"In any moment of decision,
the best thing you can do is the right thing,
the next best thing is the wrong thing,
and the worst thing you can do is nothing."
Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 5/1/2007 6:12 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi lil miss, I am so sorry for all your going through now.  You have received some wonderful advice here and to that I dont have much to add.  It is hard not to dwell on what happened to make you lose your child but you have to start thinking for her now because once you have a baby your life isnt just your own anymore.  As faithfully said you start to try to seek out whatever organinzations are in your state that can help you to recover custody of your child, while you are seeking treatment with your counselor and perhaps you may look into seeing a psychiatrist who can prescribe some antidepressant (if your not already taking one) for depression.
In the US there really isnt any solid laws set up for grandparents rights.  So unless the courts can prove that longterm abuse and neglect then I doubt the paternal grandparents would get custody of your child.  And really most judges are hesitant about taking children away from their mothers unless a certian standard/pattern has been met to this effect. 
Have you retained an attorney?  I believe you could go to legal aid and get help...and if they couldnt help with this could direct you where to go for a lawyer who wouldnt cost all that much if anything at all. 
But as faithfully said keep your chin up and fight for your baby hun.

Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/1/2007 6:22 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Lil Miss
I too want to tell you how sorry I am for what you are going through.
3 years ago,my kids decided that they wanted to live with their dad,and I moved 2 hrs away. They were teenagers though,and had not been taken away from me,but I went through deep depression because of it.
You have been given great advice,and I second the advice on retaining an attorney. Legal aid should be almost free for you if you are not working.
Do you keep in contact at all with your family?

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 5/1/2007 11:16 AM (GMT -6)   
lil miss
If you read my story on Sobriety and the bottle I lived in..( in A/P ) you will see I lost my boys at a young age due to hubby passing in a car accident and be becoming a bad drunk

As ppl have said get your life together .....put this behind you the guilt will eat you alive

I am sure once this is all settled and they see a new you and one that is not stuck they will return your baby make take time but from what I read in your post
YOU love that lil one and I know that my heart goes out to you

Thoughts and prayers are with you

I totally agree with all that has been said to you .......
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Take that Lil step ..I will hold your hand and we will make big strides

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