Posted 5/3/2007 2:22 PM (GMT -6)
Hi slowly
Wow you deserve a gold medal for coping with stress..half way reading thru your posting I could feel myself go aaaaargh!
Fingers crossed that everything works out ok..remember that we care and are thinking of you just now :-)
Keep us posted.
Maree
Forum Moderator - Depression
Forum Moderator - Anxiety-Panic Disorders
 
"In any moment of decision,
the best thing you can do is the right thing,
the next best thing is the wrong thing,
and the worst thing you can do is nothing."
Roosevelt.
 
Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. 
 

Posted 5/9/2007 4:38 AM (GMT -6)
Well, we're still trying to cope. Our parents have each decided to loan us half the money for the windows, but again it's another debt. This whole scenario has made me realize how fragile our financial situation is. And I want to make steps to correct it, but it feels like no matter what I do, it just doesn't get any better. To provide a little background. 4 years ago, my husband decided to try a franchising opportunity called Nerds on Site. Basically computer technicians who come to your home. My husband was desperate to escape the call center so we were willing to try it. As part of being a "Nerd", it's highly recommended that you get yourself a red VW Beetle. It's the signature car for Nerds on Site. Well, we decided if we were going to do this, let's make a good run at it, and we found a car and managed to purchase it. To this day, I'm not sure how we qualified! Anyways, to make a long story short, the business went nowhere. My city is considered the high tech capital of Canada, and well as it turns out everybody knows someone who can work on their computers. And Nerds' prices were really high - which we didn't know before spending the franchising fee, at which point it was too late. about six months later our mortgage came up for renewal. At this point we were still barely managing to keep our heads above water and had our mortgage been renewed properly, what followed could've been prevented. But they screwed up our re-mortgage. I had a VISA card with the bank that was supposed to be paid off and the limit dropped. My plan was then to switch the balance from one of our other outstanding higher interest rate cards. Well, they didn't pay out the VISA and they dropped the limit, so I went from being $2 over my limit to $502 over my limit and I couldn't come up with it so the card defaulted, and our credit rating plummetted. At this time we were also trying to sell the VW Beetle but less than a year after buying the car for almost $22,000, we were lucky to get $13,000. We needed a loan to cover the difference so we could release ownership on the car. Because of our now crappy credit rating, the bank wouldn't give it to us. We even tried going back to the dealership, who tried very hard to help us but when it got to the bank we were turned down. We were left with no options at this point. We couldn't sell cause we couldn't release the interest in the car. We couldn't keep it cause we couldn't afford the monthly payments anymore. And now our second child was on her way. Plus we were coming up on winter and had no place to store the car that wasn't going to cost us more money. So we walked into the bank and handed them the keys. The car was then sold at auction and they got a measly $9,000 for it, not even after costs. So we were now on the line for the difference. My father is a lawyer as I mentioned above and he represented us. He tried to get the bank to come to a deal. We wanted credit for the $3,000 we lost on the sale cause they wouldn't help us before hand, and then we set out a repayment plan. The bank would not agree to it. They wanted it all or no deal. Now if we could've come up with $17,000, do you think we'd have turned the car over to them?!!!! Anyways, the bank played hardball and to this day there hasn't been a single payment made on the car. Without a deal, we'll be paying forever so we're better off to pay nothing cause there comes a point where they won't be able to collect on it anymore (Statute of Limitations on Debt Collection). But it's killing our credit. I want to make a deal. But the bank won't play fair or even reasonable. With the windows issue we tried to renegotiate our mortgage but had to back off because there was a very big chance it was going to blow up in our faces because the car loan is with the same bank - unfortunately! So we've been forced to borrow the money from our parents. But this on-going issue with the car is preventing us from moving on. I can't get a loan to go back to school. We can't move. I want to start my own craft business and I can't do that cause there's no way I could even get a loan for $1000 just to get me started. I don't need a lot but a little capital to start for supplies would be helpful. My husband can't even consider jobs outside of Ottawa unless they are in the 50,000-60,000 range cause that's the only way a move wouldn't bankrupt us right now, and his lack of experience in certain areas keeps hurting him. So I'm feeling like we can't move forward and there's no going back! And the world around me is this gaping black hole that won't go away. I have no opportunities cause all I have is high school. I have my experience, but there are places that you can't even submit your resume unless you can click off that you have a post secondary education, and clicking it off just to get my resume in would be lying and I'm not sure that would help my cause either. So I'm stuck working in an office doing a job I very much dislike, or retail where I wouldn't make as much money, and therefore would make paying our monthly bills more stressful... I just feel like we're constantly in a loose-loose situation. By the time I'm able to go back to school, I'm going to be so old.... And that's depressing. And then there's the issue of the fact my husband would like another child. I'm not entirely opposed to it but I'm so tired of giving everything up, but at this point it's like, well I've got no other options anyways. But why should mom be a default. I love being a mom when things are good. Right now I'm so stressed, parenthood is not enjoyable. Monday night I lost it with my kids, and I think it just confused the hell out of them. Words came out of my mouth that were not nice. I actually almost had a good cry but it scared me so much to let myself go, that I hopped on the computer and played mind numbing games til I couldn't feel anything anymore. I am not cut out for single parenting, and yet, again, I have no other options. My husband has to work to pay the bills. And I know it's not easy for him either. He feels trapped in a call center world and it bothers him he can't be there to help me. I just don't know what to do. I want to do the right thing, and make things better for us, but nothing seems to be the right thing.... Everything we do, we're screwed in some way.... And so I feel like crap. How do I get over the depression, when the world seems to hand it to me on a silver platter! I go back to work in a little less than 2 mths. I honestly don't know how I'm going to handle it, particularly when it all just feels like a long, unrelenting road of frustration ahead. For a little while there, I thought we were starting to see the light, but now I realize that light was the headlamp on the train coming right at us.... Anyways, I know there's really nothing anybody can say. I just needed to vent. Thought it might help me sleep to get this off my chest. I hope so. I have to get up in less than 2 hrs. to get the kids going, although my husband is around, he could deal with it and let me sleep in a bit, but I have plans for tomorrow so I don't want to sleep in too much either. Anyways, it's starting to really brighten up outside, I should try to get a couple of hours anyways. Thanks for listening.
slowlygoingcrazy
 It would be easier to tell people I have cancer than it is to tell them I am severely depressed.....

Posted 5/9/2007 6:59 AM (GMT -6)
Wow Slowly
I can imagine why you are depressed after all of that.

Don't beat yourself up too bad about loosing it with your kids,it happens and that does not make you a bad parent if no physical contact was made. You will find that once your kids become teenagers they are going to take alot of their life's frustration out on you that is for sure.

I do have a suggestion...have you ever thought about debt counseling?
My brother and his wife were knee deep in debt and saw no way out. They relented and contacted a debt counseling company(I don't know the name but could probably find out for you) and after 2 years they were able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The company contacted all of the people they owed money too,and actually got them lower payments and lower interest rates. Then they were able to combine all of the debts into a monthly payment that they could afford. (I sound like a commercial).

Just a thought.

Stay strong and keep us posted.

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

Posted 5/9/2007 7:39 AM (GMT -6)
We are for everything but the car. Because of the nature of the car loan, we went through my father who is a lawyer. But the bank has never been co-operative. And thus we are where we are now. In fact with the debt counselling we're down to the last two creditors, one of which we voluntarily added two years ago to make it easier to pay (student loan). So yeah, we're doing that too.... That's why it's so frustrating. We've done everything to try to make things right but because the bank wants all or nothing, it's tough to negotiate something reasonable.
 It would be easier to tell people I have cancer than it is to tell them I am severely depressed.....

Posted 5/9/2007 7:45 AM (GMT -6)
When I first got divorced I basically owed everyone it seemed. Found out that my ex had not been paying bills,still don't know how I did not figure it out.
It is so frustrating and can cause major depression/anxiety and panic attacks.

Be strong and I hope everything starts settling down for you.



Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

Posted 5/9/2007 10:47 AM (GMT -6)
Well, it happened. I just lost it this morning, about an hour and 1/2 ago. After being accused by my husband of not appreciating what his father does because I'm upset he won't meet my parents half way on the window money loan, particularly since my parents are taking it off credit cards or out of business money (it's not like it's easy for them either and half way would've been nice), I just outright lost it. I just let out a scream and had a temper tantrum and then cried for almost 1/2 hr. I'm still trying to get it under control which is why I cancelled my visit with my friend today. I was looking forward to it, but I just feel incredibly unstable at the moment and not up to facing anyone. The floodgates openned and I'm having a hard time closing them right now. I see my doctor tomorrow and my next appointment with my counsellor is next Wednesday. Maybe now that I've let down the barriers I can start to deal with things but we'll see.... I'm just shaky right now. I hate feeling like this. Especially when there doesn't seem to be any solutions to the issues. The money problems aren't going away, the rift between what my parents do and what my husband's dad/family does isn't going to change, my husband's shift work isn't going away or getting any better, and so on and so forth. When you're faced with all that certainty of craziness, how do you get through your day? Without losing it? I've been doing a good job of it til this week, but I guess I couldn't keep doing it anymore this week.... We'll see what happens. I think my husband got a good look at my pain and anger for the first time in years, maybe it'll change something there, maybe it'll help him understand. I don't know. We'll see.... I keep saying that but that's all there is is we'll see....
 It would be easier to tell people I have cancer than it is to tell them I am severely depressed.....

Posted 5/10/2007 6:57 AM (GMT -6)
See my signature? That basically explains us.
You have the right to let it out. If not then it will keep building up and that is not healthy.
I too had a "snapping" moment this week,and I freaked myself out because I had not been that mad in a long time.
I don't know why we just let things build up before we finally snap...but we do.
I hope you start to feel better and good luck at your appts



Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

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