I was dignosed with depression and anxiety in dec 06
I have done countless anxiety and depression tests and always get high scores saying I am suffereing both
I am seeing a councillor and was prescribed anti-depressants....
But i STILL can't deep down let it sink into my mind that this is what is causing me to be the way I am!
I am in such a rut.
Due to as you all probabley know by now, feeling totally dodgy and weird towards my boyfrind who has been a great support to me, I have became obsessed with relationships. I know this may sound silly but if:
I read/see on tv/hear of a couple (famous or not famous) splitting up I feel really down,teary and awful and think "Well theres no hope for me, I'm doomed.
If I read/see/hear of couples lasting,getting over bad patches,being together for years I kind of go on some kind of weird high and think "Yay we can last too" and feel happy and hyper, but this quickly wears off.
Also the minute I pick up a magazine/newspaper I skip straight to the problem pages to see whats going on with all the relationships, and then my horoscopes and I ALWAYS seem to find a way to relate it back to me.
My councillor has told me a million times why I am feeling like this, but I still go on about everything as if I don't know whats making me like this.
She says its typical depression/anxiety and shes seen it a million times in a million people and I'm a classic case. Also the student nurse with he also said this.
I sometimes think I don't have anxiety and depression and I just hate my bf for no apparent reason, as I don't feel like this about anyone else. But the minute hes gone I miss him, I think about him all the time and still like cuddling into him etc, so why am I feeling this way??
I am in the state of mind at the moment of not believing anything is wrong with me, and I analyse every thought/feeling and emotion that arises.
Is this depression or am I infact making this all up and just being an idiot. I am not getting anywhere. I am looking in on a life that isn't mine.
I also phoned the docs this morning to see if they could reccomend a good psychiatrist. They said they don't know anyone and don't know where to find one. Where will then, any ideas??