Christina, you definitely need to tell your doc. My husband admitted to me a few years ago that he woke up every morning thinking about
which gun he was going to use to blow his brains out. You can imagine my worries. It took several months to convince him that he HAD to at least start with the family doctor. Doc put him on lexapro. Like you, he said life was better with the meds than without, but he still thought about
suicide - often. He absolutely refused counselling. Another 2 years goes by with me begging him to tell the doc that lexapro wasn't making enough of a difference. FINALLY. He did it. Doc put him on zoloft, and within 2 or 3 weeks, I had my husband back.
There are so many meds available for depression now, and they don't work the same way for every person. Keep on trying! You have nothing to lose, and possibly everything to gain.
Living in the Republic of Texas minus a gallbladder, a couple of cervical discs, appendix, uterus, and 18" of colon; but living with my wonderful husband, 2 dogs, 1 cockatiel, and 2 gold fish.