I think I should be feeling more grief on the death of my buddy

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Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 5/12/2007 10:53 PM (GMT -6)   
I had my 15 years old cat put down a week ago. He was healthy and endearing until he caught a bug with no positive outcome.
He had been a shadow of himself for the past 3 months and for the last 2 weeks, I spent as much time with him that was possible.
I'd always said I would die with him, that life without him would be more than I could handle. In the days previous to his death, I spent so much time crying over his probable death, those crying stints that tear me apart, throw myself to the floor so I can feel the cold of the ceramic floor in order to feel something cool.
When I got to the vet's, I assisted to the act of taking his life. The choice was right but I again cried uncontrollably, holding my buddy's body in my arms. The following day, I was fragile and spent time with my parents !
Since, that crying and feeling of despair have not reappeared. Is that right ? Am I to believe I'm not handling this tremendous loss appropriately ? Your input would help.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 5/12/2007 11:49 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi Rabbit..there is no 'appropriate' way to deal with loss..I think you have handled things very well..As a cat lover myself I know it hurts real bad when it comes to the end of their lives..but I think you were very humane and compassionate :-) Just a suggestion..have you thought about planting a tree as a memorial...we have a rose bush in our garden that our previous cat 'Tommy' used to sleep under - our son placed a rock in that very spot with the cats name etc on it..looks very cool and is a nice way to remember a well loved pet.

Take good care.


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Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/13/2007 7:51 AM (GMT -6)   
I too am very sorry for your loss. Pets become part of our families and we take it very hard.
I think the reason you weren't so upset after you had your cat put to sleep is because you had already gone through the mourning before it happened.
Basically you prepared your mind for what was to come.

take care and stay strong

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Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 5/13/2007 10:01 AM (GMT -6)   
You all and your beautiful posts, you have made me feel so understood. Your words have reminded me of the long road my cat and I had travelled, both through all our little cat life together and just before his death.
I can not thank you enough.
Shy : I take strength from your answer.
Hippy Girl : I will keep those words you shared. They made me cry : my cat lead a good feline life and the wold beyond Rainbow Bridge is something he so deserves.
Maree : I will bury his ashes at the foot of one my maple trees and will transplant ferns there. Ferns because I love so much, ferns because they do not need flowers to be gorgeous and because they are sturdy and propagate so well. And that maple tree because it is also quiet and strong.

Again thank you so kindly. You have helped me,

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 649
   Posted 5/13/2007 8:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Aw rabbit... you bring back memories of losing beloved pets over the years. I went nuts when we had to put our 13.5 year old dog down a few years ago. You had already been in mourning for 3 months before having to end your cat's suffering. Now, there is peace. At some point you will be able to remember your friend with smiles instead of tears. My husband and I differ greatly on the issue of burial: I was all for burying our dog in his favorite spot outside, but hubby is just grossed out by that idea and insisted on cremation. Since we never got around to spreading his ashes, I finally decided that the ashes will go in "the box" with me whenever my time comes. Once that decision was made, it just felt right. :-)
Living in the Republic of Texas minus a gallbladder, a couple of cervical discs, appendix, uterus, and 18" of colon; but living with my wonderful husband, 2 dogs, 1 cockatiel, and 2 gold fish. 

Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 5/14/2007 6:50 AM (GMT -6)   
I am so sorry Rabbit 'I do feel your pain
Grief is not something set in stone and I feel you have handled it the way YOU needed to
Keeoing you in thoughts and prayers as I am sure you know many others are as wel
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Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 5/16/2007 6:17 AM (GMT -6)   


we all feel pain uniquely and express i tindividually.  i don't believe there is a "right" way or a "wrong " way to express your grief.  if it continues to overwhelm you, then you might consider professional assistance.

we had two cats, a ginger one, who was the queen of all she surcveyed, and a black one, who enjoyed roaming.  we got them when we were living in england.  the black one would often meet me at on my way home from the train station and we would race to see who could get to the house the fastest.

after we moved to the states, eventually we moved tp philadelphia.  i was eating my breakfast  of milk and cereal and the black cat insisted in joining me - so i got him a saucer and he slurped up every drop.  i then adjusted his collar because he had managed to work it lost.  i let him out the bcak door and went on to work.  later that afternoon my wife phoned me o tell me that the black cat had died.  i was devestated.  i don't remember leaving to office of driving home.  there was my wife rocking thee cat in a blanket, crying.  i cried, too - and i NEVER cry.  i found a pet crematorium and the ladies who ran it came right over and handled everything with sympathy and grace.

that was over 25 yrs ago.  i am now 61 yrs old.  sometimes, when i think og leo, i still cry.  if you have ever had a loving, caring, pet like that, you know exactly what i mean.

is there is right or wrong way to feel when youve lost a friend, lover, confidant, and joy in your life?  i don't think so.  just as our pets are individual, so, too, we ae qunque.


That light at the end of he tunnel?  It's an on-coming train.

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