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Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 428
   Posted 5/14/2007 2:30 PM (GMT -6)   
Wow Chico, I'm not in your shoes, but I feel for you. May I ask was she like this before your marriage? I would be willing to bet she doesn't like herself like this either. It has to be hard on you both. You said she's tried different anti-depressants? Any she hasn't tried? Is she seeing a therapist? I wish I could help more, just thinking what you could do. I know you need to stay calm and enjoy life. If she isn't seeing a therapist, I would say try that and if the pills she tried didn't help, don't give up till something works. This is not a fun way to live life. I hope you guys get the help you need.

I added a subject line so Chico would know this was for him.


Post Edited By Moderator (ShynSassy) : 5/15/2007 6:03:41 AM (GMT-6)

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 5/16/2007 4:19 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi ya Denim.  sorry about the late reply.   I found out about the depression after we were married.  But all the signs were there before.  The mood swings, the nagging the insecurities. all of the above plus more.  yes she does se a thereapist.  not gonna try and spell   We had a good day today.  after our talk last night.   but that is just the way she is.  after our talks she is good for a few days then the same bs.  but i will try and keep a positive attitude and keep reminding her not to bring me down when she is down.  there re things i could do when she is down, but when she is down i just want to run.  instead i should bring her some flowers or a card.  yes i do think about doing this alot.  but when she is down she is down and brings me down with her. 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 5/16/2007 7:42 PM (GMT -6)   
sad  Chico~
I just now came across your post and I am not really sure of how it started but from what I read I can tell you that from a perspective of the depressed partner, it is a terrible feeling to know what we do unintentionally to our partners.  My story is  a little different as I felt the closeness the first couple days with my last relationship.  We sat and talked about different things in our lives that meant the most to us. Actually it was the second day we spent together and the whole morning was devoted to what he now knows all too well, depression.  My "baby" has I will refer to him was the most wonderful person in the world and I watched my depression destroy him.  Now I do want you to know that I did every thing I could to deal with it myself but even at that, depression has a way of seeping through into the veiw of those who love you.  In fact he always said he could see it in my eyes before I even said I wasnt feeling good.
The only difference between us and other couples was the fact that the love we had was the "2%" kind of love and I watched that man do everything to keep my depression at bay.  NOW, I think it is important for you to know that all the times that I saw him struggling with my depression, I was screaming on the inside for it to stop because I couldnt take what it was doing to him.  It is imperative that you understand that no matter how hurtful or emotionally unavailable she becomes, she doesnt want it like that.  If her depression is anything like mine it was like standing outside my body watching the one man in the world that I would die for, die for me a little every time my depression was active.  This was devastating to me!
We are no longer together because of what I did (which I do take the blame but I owe part of it to my depression, which he doesnt understand)but I will tell you that if it is too much too handle there are no easy answers.
I was fortunate to have a man stand next to me no matter how hard I pushed.  Depending on how severe her depression is or what type she has, it is a terrible monster that actually leaves most of its victims alone in their fight. 
I use faith and God in my struggle.  I believe that God gives us signs and that we are here to do the best we can.  If you love this woman then I would say that you give all you got.  The one thing I will say is that you must remain healthy in your fight!!!  She must do her part in this battle, you do yours and God will take care of the rest. 
I still hold out that God will put this wonderful man back in my life because he is one of the most powerful weapons against my depression.  I am sure you are hers as well.
God bless you and I will pray for your relationship.
"Faith is knowing you're in control
when your life is falling apart,
Faith is in that quiet assurance
I feel deep within my heart".

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