As most of you know I recently had an appointment with my neuro doc where in frustration on both our parts he turned off my implant. On that day he stated that he was more concerned about the physical symptoms and recent episodes with loc and sight impairments. He stated that I was a walking heart attack and that I needed to be proactive with it. With that I also asked for a blood test to determine what the toxicity of the drugs I have been taken were in my blood stream. This could be an issue as why I am having the fainting spells and vision loss. He agreed and the tests were performed. I got the results the other day and as I knew they would be, they were negative. Now for those that don't understand what this means, it is not a good result to have in my case. It actually interprets that for the last 10 or so years of taking a ritalin derivative, there is >.1 which is like saying there has never been a drug like that in my system! After contacting the office to ask what to do with a result like this, I was told, "we don't know". I wasn't even asked how I was doing with my implant turned off!
This is where I am now, I am crying every day because of things that I am dealing with that I will never get over, I cry almost all day until my son gets home then I try to put on the face that everyone sees. I have stopped writing for now because of having to do my own research on my health, and the feeling of being totally alone is more than I can take at times!!!!! My mother does what she can but she knows that I am the one that has to do or d..... I got tired of watching my son have nothing to play on in the yard so I decided to get him a swingset. This is were the thought of really being alone started to set in......How would i get the s/s? How would I get it together with the little bit of ambition and the ignorance of reading directions for a set this complicated? All these questions ran through my mind and I cried. Long story short......my landlords who are my mother's extented hand were there for me. I was able to get the s/s home with their help and they even gave me power tools to use. THAT DID EXCITE ME I THOUGHT HOW FUN:) I put that set together took everything I had but I did it myself. However, now I am in a splint with a swollen hand and severely torn tendons! Once again, I am alone and wish for someone to be here and at least care about how I am going to manage things around here.
To make things worse in my research I found nothing but bad news relating to reasons surrounding my negative results and what physical conditions are related. No surprise, a doctor interested in what was going on would have found that whether or not the physical symptoms are treated, long term damage (which is what I am experiencing now) will lead to sudden death. I know that at anytime I could feel faint and have a heart attack and there is nothing I can do about it.
I am trying to get into studies through medical sites so that we can locate the toxitity in my brain and what if anything I can do to fix it. I was even told by "a" doctor that he didnt know who to send me to when dealing with something as serious as this. Oh well, my implant activation wasnt important either.
Sorry guys but I am just really sad and yes, afraid that I could actually be here at this minute and have a dizzy spell and that be it.
My input to anyone that is taking any type of amphetimine, legal or not.........go to the websites I can provide if ok with our mods. If it isn't ok, you can do a google search for stephanies story, it deals with a child and the drug, it also applies to us as adults.
"Faith is knowing you're in control
when your life is falling apart,
Faith is in that quiet assurance
I feel deep within my heart".