Posted 5/26/2007 1:08 PM (GMT -6)
(((((HUGS))))))for the fact that you are a wonderful person!!!!!
Yes, as Elisha says there are so many faces to depression and how it effects relationships. My posts on this forum have been I guess you can say "you could write a book" material. Depression is a horrible enemy that can destroy not only you as a person but it can also destroy a person that you consider the strongest person in the world. It takes no prisoners and leaves victims everywhere. The reason I say that is yes it destroyed one of the most important people in my life and I live with that every day. The other side to that is not only did it destroy him, it destroyed the people that he loved and held dear, his family. I say this because his family became part of me as well. I experienced a love from a family that wasnt mine that was unimaginable. I know that you always hear the stories about inlaws and how awful that realm of relationships are but I want to share a different perspecive on this if i may.
How depression effects your extended family. I feel that this is a powerful topic that is never really looked. I encourage you to consider what I have to say if you are going through situations where you are trying to tame the monster depression and have the courage to get better. That is great but what you may encounter is that people may not share the same positive outlook as you do. Now this is important, so really, really listen. The reason that you are not going to be easily accepted back into the hearts of those that loved you is because of the pain depression did, NOT YOU!!!!
I have experienced this and want you to know that I am able to understand why people that love the person that I hurt, are indeed having a hard time in understanding my passion to get better. There are going to be people in this world that will offer the one you love the stability that you were not able to give. This is a painful realization but it is true. It always seems that these people find our loved ones and make an impression of stability to not only them but their families. Although it is devastating to us, it is a positive to the family that has watched our depression tear apart everything "they" as family knew. They actually find comfort in the fact that now their loved one has gotten rid of that "depressed" person and found this wonderful, healthy, usually attractive person and they will no longer worry about depression in their world.
OK THAT WAS ROUGH BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT I AM PREACHING BUT IT IS TRUE!!!
Now, let me clarify.......you must understand first that this family does not hate you or is glad that you are no longer part of them....that is further from the truth!!!!Let me ask you this,,,,,If you were given a magic wand and you could stand in front of them and explain that now with the wave of this wand, you would be the same person they first met, the only thing is that now there would be no depression and you could guarantee that depression would not be the reason that they were "glad" to see you go, would they not at least consider accepting you because of that fact alone?
The answer to this question can depend on alot of different things. The one thing I want to impress on you is that "YOU" are not the reason the family is having a hard time accepting you back into their lives if that is the issue. It is the fact that they are scared of seeing the pain again that was ultimately caused by "you" via the depression. My suggestion is this, understand how the family feels after all, arent you afraid of the depression? Imagine watching it destroy your child. That is exactly what people see when their grown child is involved with someone with depression. Sad but true.
I know I have rambled but I am indeed passionate about this. How many people up until this post considered this a reason that their inlaws are unaccepting of their attempt to be part of their family again?
I am not sure if anyone else can add substance to this, I am hoping that maybe strengthn1 may be able to add some guidance. I can do it from the understanding of a depressed person wanting to be a part of a family's life that meant so much to her. Maybe others can comment on the stance from being part of a family that is on the other side of the coin.
Overwhelmed? I know but does it strike home?
"Faith is knowing you're in control
when your life is falling apart,
Faith is in that quiet assurance
I feel deep within my heart".
Post Edited (faithfully4you) : 5/26/2007 12:15:22 PM (GMT-6)