Posted 5/28/2007 6:00 PM (GMT -6)
I am sitting here, still at the computer, unable to drag myself away cause the thought of doing anything is so overwhelming right now. My doctor's appointment can't come soon enough! But my kids need to eat something other than crackers! I just so don't want to make anything. I wish I wasn't alone so much with the kids. I wish I had more energy for them. And I'm clenching something fierce these days so my pain levels are up again. I feel constantly like there's a TMJ headache lurking there but it doesn't seem to be actually turning into one - thank God! My shoulders are so tense it's unreal. I am just so tired of all this crap. I want it to all go away. I hate sitting here at the computer and yet it's all I do all day cause I just don't have the energy to get anything started. I will actually go without eating just because I don't feel like making anything. I'll be starving and still it won't motivate me to do anything except grab a granola bar. I hate this. I feel like the weight of the world is quite literally on my shoulders and there's no way in he** I can lift it. I forget everything I'm supposed to do. The idea of making a phone call to anyone makes me extremely anxious. The smallest little negative thing happens and I just start feeling this crazy, fluttering feeling in my stomach. It's just one more thing to deal with and I don't want to deal with the crap I already have to deal with. Anyways, I hope my kids go to bed well tonight. And I'm anxious but looking forward to the hockey game... I so hope Ottawa wins!!!! Anyways, I just needed to get this off my chest. Sometimes this helps get me moving cause it releases some of the negativity that keeps me planted to this chair. Thanks for listening.

 It would be easier to tell people I have cancer than it is to tell them I am severely depressed.....

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