My former counselor is running an eight week group therapy session for people with depression. She's my FORMER counselor because apparently according to the Medical Practice rules, patients are supposed to be helped in a short period of time (like eight visits). I had been seeing her way before the rule was made, so I got abruptly booted after 28 sessions. I was basically just using it as a bi-weekly gripe session. I never did improve on the Depression test.
Anyway, back to this new group therapy. There are only four people participating including me. The other three are totally without any self-esteem(sp?). (don't ya just hate not having spellcheck!) They all complain about how people walk all over them and take advantage of them. The group leader, Jan, spends all the time on these crybabies, drilling them in how they can change their thinking by giving themselves compliments and patting themselves on the back when they accomplish something. I swear, the whining and crying drives me up the freaking wall!!
Then we have to take the same stupid evaluation test every week. They are actually are a set of statements about how you feel about a subject. I always get the same stupid score, basically because my depression is not because of anything I've done to bring it on myself. It's all because of crap that has happened to me, no fault of my own. I feel fine about myself as a valuable human being. I just have a bunch of lousy medical problems that keep me in pain most of the time, and have reduced my lifestyle to crap. I am also hacked off because I can't make the money I used to, and have to depend on my Disability income. Thus, I can't have the same lifestyle or afford the same hobbies and activities I used to be able to do.
My life sucks, but it's not my fault. I do everything I can to try to improve my medical problems, seeking out specialists, trying new medications, modifying behavior, trying experimental treatments, multiple rounds of physical therapy, you name it. I can't think of anything else I can do to improve my health, but I'm always game for new options. I will eventually have to have my lower spine fused, and both knees replaced, but I'm fighting to put it off as long as possible. I'm still young(ish) and will postpone surgery as long as I can. Heck, I've even joined a local club that does charity work, but parties hard too!!! I can't always make it to all the functions, but I do as much as I can.
I don't think I can stand to go back to group therapy with that bunch of whiners anymore. They make me really cranky, and I'm just afraid one day I'm going to open my mouth and tell them what I really think. I don't want to contribute to their list of "wrongs" done to them. I also don't want to have to sit there and "hold my tongue". That's not going to help my situation or improve my mood one bit.
Finished venting now.
- On Disablility for: Chronic Migraines, serious Back and Knee problems (will need surgery eventually), moderate Depression, Anxiety/Panic disorder, TMJ
- Divorced, 42, no children
- Surgeries: Gastric Bypass, Gallbladder Removed (followed by a week in the hospital for a Blood Clot), Kidney Stone Removed, Broken Ankle, Major Dental work(four molars pulled, multiple cavities, root canals)
- Current Meds: Lexapro, Klonopin, Wellbutrin, Migranol, Trazadone, Buspar, Nexium, Skelaxin, Diclofenac, Tramadol, Phenergan, Chantix