Ok i will give this another go and katelynn it doesn`t matter about
the other post i made i do appreciate your opinions .I understand a some of what you are going through as i said in that last post please feel free to email me at the hotmail address in this forum as the one i used the other day was hubbys . thank you so much .
Depression has crept back into my life and at this stage i do not want to go back to the doctors ...i do not like how he speaks to me especially when he reises his voice i just do not need that at all ....and there is no other doctor within a 300km radius that i can see.
I`m open to any suggestion that i might be able to try .
I have been looking after some small children to keep me going they have stopped me thinking about my abusive past and a lot of things that are going on in my life today .
I do not speak to anyone from where i live and haven`t done so for many years i just keep everything to myself until i just crack .
I see a psychologist for half an hour every 8 wks she is the only one who i`ve opened up to ,infact she knows a lot more than my hubby a lot of things i just can`t talk to him about .
The suggestion of keeping a diary is no good i have one of my kids who is almost 19 still living here and she goes through all my things every chance she gets .and more to the point what needs to be written down would hurt a lot of people in my life and i do not ever want to do that .
I just have no place here that is safe enough to keep it .
Ihave been so lonely and sad for ages ,eventhough my family is around me it makes no difference some days i don`t want them here either i know it sounds a bit weird but it`s like i just push the ones i love away for no reason at all .
I cry at the drop of a hat and a couple of days ago burst into tears infront of the four toddlers i am caring for they all inturn burst into tears in sympathy it was a site to see thank god noone else was around it took ages for me to get them all to stop ( don`t think i will ever do that again ).
But as i said above any suggestions would be appreciated .....Jane.