I was diagnosed yesterday with having depression, funny thing about 2 years ago, I actually told a counsellor I felt depressed but nothing was ever done.
I am no stranger to HealingWell as I'm a moderator over on the Ulcerative Colitis (UC) board, but I am new to your forum so please treat me gently because I'm very new to this even though my name has been on the Depression forum previously.
For so long I have been of the impression that my decreased participation in the things I love doing, insomnia, bad moods, feeling low, decreased appetite and other symptoms were a result of UC or the meds I take on a daily basis, but yesterday I saw a new GP following a bout of vomiting, this GP was amazing, his first question was " I have just took a quick look through your notes and can see you have been having a bad time, now tell me how you feel". That was new for me, I'm so used to doctors getting you out as quick as they can The GP made an appointment with him for next Monday so we can be more thorough and work out a treatment plan.
Recently so many things have happened in my life which I feel have got on top of me, things like getting suspended at work, a family member being diagnosed with Bowel cancer (which sent me in a panic), death in my wifes family, learning I have damge to my heart and surrounding muscle and finally the pressure of constantly fighting to remain in my job with a chronic disease. One of the things I told the GP was that I felt a little stressed and admitted that things did seem to be getting on top of me, when he actually told me he believed I was suffering with depression, in a sense it was a relief because immediately it made so much sense, although very hurtful, I actually told him I thought I was stronger than that, of course he informed me that depression was not a sign of weakness but I guess being a man I immediately instinctively jumped into a defensive mode
So that's me, although I do have a question or 2, what will next Monday bring, I have this scarey thought that they will wire my head up and send electric shocks through my brain in order to get my thoughts and motivation etc. back on track I'm pretty sure that's just in the old films, but seriously how do they fix depression? The GP mentioned counselling and medication but I already take 9 different types of meds per day, I rattle now if I jump up and down more pills is just not funny, I also have this strange thought that medication for depression would have the same effect that alcohol has, I don't know why I think that, what medication for depression prevent me from driving?
My wife is a very strong positive person, who said "you're not depressed why did you let him tell you you are" she then started going on one because she now feels like my employer who has access to my medical records, can use this as ammunition to get rid of me :-( My wife and I don't actually communicate, we haven't for years, we argue the majority of the time, and she has said some very hurtful things to me in the past, especially since being diagnosed with UC, but hey that's just the way she is, she sees illness as a weakness which I gotta tell you has lead to some very fiery arguments even though I try to avoid arguing, I try to tell her I don't want to argue because of the additional stress it will have on my heart and UC, but you know how it is right? How do you get someone to realise stress isn't good for anyone?
My very last question is this, I always try to keep a smile on my face, admittedly a lot of the time, it's difficult to achieve this, but I believe positive mental thinking is very important in life, is someone suffering from depression always meant to look unhappy and down? This slightly confuses me and as such is playing havoc with my mind because I'm trying to convince myself that my GP is wrong.
Ok I apologise for the long thread
TAKE FLYING LESSONS ON A MOUNTAIN BIKE TODAY!
To support HealingWell.com, follow the link: https://www.healingwell.com/donate/