Man, you are in a similar situation. I really wish that I was on the other side of this thing (you can probably relate to that!) so that I could tell you how this ends up, but I'm just not sure at this point. I do know that as frustrating as it gets, at the end of the day I feel good that I'm standing by her (most days). There are days - I'll freely admit - that I feel that I've had enough. I had a friend ask me this morning where my breaking point is and I told him that while I feel that I've been TO the breaking point several times over the past few weeks, I clearly haven't moved past it. I've been very, very close.
I've noticed with my wife that when I show the signs of being at the breaking point, she actually moves forward (not a lot, but she does move forward) and starts talking about
the future as if everything is fine. I suppose that's a good sign in the grand scheme of things. I'm certainly not trying to get a reaction when I am in that place, but it is something I've noticed.
You may have read above that someone told me that she's sending her frustrations and pointing her anger at me because I'm the one person she knows won't leave, so I'm a safe and logical target. Doesn't that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?
It's a very tough situation to be in for us, and I haven't figured it out yet. But I do have these glimpses (like today) of the woman I fell in love with and married and it gives me the energy to get through another day with this. It's a lonely place to be and it is absolutely thankless (so far, anyway...I hope that changes in the long run). I'm a human being and I need things as well to feel secure and safe within my marriage, but apparently she is absolutely unable to give that to me right now. Ugh.
Hang in there and welcome to the forum. You'll find some great support here - I recommend you start a new thread about
your specific situation. Please feel free to Email me directly (click on the envelope under my user name at the left). I'd be happy to share thoughts and progresses with you - it just might help both of us.