Dear Singer and Mia:
I don't have a lot to add here that has not already been said, but I would like to applaud you both on your strength, love and dedication. I myself have suffered from acute Major Depression for about 7 years now. It has claimed not only my self-confidence and ability to function as a "normal" person, but it also severed the final string of my 14 year marriage.
While in marriage counseling the therapist explained to my former husband how this disorder affected me as well as why I found normal and everyday tasks and interactions so difficult. She let him know what my needs were and what he could do to support me. This information appeared to go in and out of my former husbands' ears. He still wanted to know why I couldn't have dinners ready for him, communicate normally, do laundry and attend to his other needs/wishes. Rather than taking the time, love and energy to help me (as you are doing for your own spouses) I was berated even further for not meeting his needs. And as for the tasks that I could complete around the house and for the care and love that I gave our daughters, this was simply something that he expected and did not acknowledge.
Your spouses may or may not have the ability to express their love, gratefullness and apologies to you now or consistently going forward. But deep down inside I know that they must be aware of everything that your both are doing for them and when they finally start feeling a little better your relationship as a whole will be so much more stronger.
Please don't forget to take care of yourselves too. It would be awful for yourselves and your children if you lost your own abilities to laugh, love and take everything in stride. You both sound like extremely loving and caring individuals. Your spouses are so lucky to have you!!