Good Morning Rick,
Well I am going out on a limb here as IMHO it is time to let her go. I was the one to leave my ex many years ago and I was not depressed just very unhappy with the situation. I married young and made a bad choice. My ex was jealous, accused me of many things and then would come back in tears and tell me how much he loved me.
I left once and then came back as the guilt I felt at hurting this person and being told by others what a bad mistake I was making and how could I do this awful thing swayed me.
Well, you see, I was only 17 when I married him. I do not believe that others understand what goes on behind closed doors. These people that advise you to stay in a marriage that looks good to them do not have to live our life.
My ex would come to where I worked and let the air out of my tires, why, just because he could. I would have to beg a ride home from work and by the time I got there he was in tears and apologies and begging me not to leave.
The person that finally stepped in to help in my case was my Father. My ex would call my parents long distance and tell them I was a xxxxx etc. They would just panic and worry about the grandkids.
My Ex finally made a trip to my folks to tell them what a xxxx I was and told many lies, and my Father finally said to him "If she is such a terrible person, why don't you let her go" Finally someone that was on my side.
I gave up everything but my children. The house, furniture, cars and kept working to take care of myself and my children.
My ex even accused me of killing his Father by causing his cancer.
So you must decided, if she is so unhappy perhaps it is time to let her go. What you have now is not good and you are all unhappy.
I mean no disrespect by posting this as I saw both sides when I was in the middle of my divorce. I finally learned that I was not responsible for his feelings. If I made the wrong decision in leaving, then I would have to accept that, but I did not.
I am so sorry you are in pain and I hope you can find some peace soon.
Gentle hugs to you.