This has happened several times now, so I think it is realy connected. Each time I have a very good day (Saturday) it is folled by a very bad day (Sunday) and then it takes 4-5 days to get back to where I was before.
On Saturday I had a wonderful day. I prepared for and went to a wedding with friends. It was a long, fun-filled day. I can remember thinking in the afternoon that this is a day without depression.
On Sunday, I slept all day. I couldn't get moving. I was in a foul mood. Not just bad, but I wanted to start fights, I was in such a foul mood. I watched movies and laid on the couch all day.
Today I am anti-social like I am when I feel my worst. I feel in the pits of depression again.
Everytime I have a mountaintop day it is followed by several of the worst days. Each time I go up, it crashed me down further.
The "regular" days are "numb".
I'm not sure which is worse. I would like to get rid of the pits without getting rid of the mountiantop days.
(They don't come without reason. Weddings, conferences, social interaction- there is always a cause for the good feelings, but it is not every time I get in a croud. Sometimes I am "numb" through that too.)
The bad days will come without cause too, but they ALWAYS follow the good days, when they happen.
I don't want to be Bipolor, and I don't think this is enough for it. My Doc wants to try mood stabelizers- I don't. He will wait for me to agree, but I'm confused. Does this mean that the "numb" is normal? Is that what my life is going to be forever? I should not feel as good as I do on my good days? I don't want to give that up. What do I do?
When you cannot stand, on whom do you lean?