I don't know if anyone else has this experience. Do you ever find yourself putting your foot in your mouth (sometimes both)? You get asked a question, not sure how to answer it and choose your words poorly and end up offending someone. In a conversation, phrasing something a certain way and offending someone, when what they think you said is the furthest from what you actually meant? And after it happens, you go over it in your head again and again, torturing yourself with it? I seem to do it a lot. And I get so mad at myself. I don't have a critical bone in my body, but I tend to state things as I see them. And I feel like there's a filter missing sometimes that creates confusion and usually ends up with someone taking offence, even if there was never any offence meant. And trying to explain myself and clarify never seems to help. They are suddenly judging me based on that one comment.
I can't tell if this is because of the brain fog of the depression, cause I really hate when I do it, but no matter what I do, I don't seem to be able to prevent it. I also suffer with Fibromyalgia and I know that with that, it can make speaking and choosing your words more of a challenge.
But I'm wondering if anybody else who suffers with depression has this problem?
I'm finding it's making me very socially phobic. I hate talking on the phone. The idea of going into places where I have to interact and talk with people almost scares me. I just feel like I can't trust myself. I'm analyzing everything, all the time. Even this post, I will likely re-read it 10 times before I post it cause I want to make sure I haven't said anything that could be construed as offensive.... I feel safest hiding behind my computer cause I can filter my writing more than the spoken word. Once you have spoken, you can't take it back. Writing you can reread and edit. Not that that always prevents it. When I write my husband letters trying to explain myself, he almost never understands what I'm trying to say, and somehow turns it around to mean something I hadn't intended.
If anyone else does have this problem, are there any things you do to lessen it or stop it? How do you deal with it after it happens? Have you lost many friends? That's part of the reason I am posting this is cause I feel like I'm on the verge of loosing a friend I've had for 29 years (we've grown up together since we were both in diapers). And what hurts the most, is I would've thought that she of all people would be more understanding. She knows me better than almost anyone, and yet there never seems to be any room for forgiveness and understanding. So I just feel lost and at times, ready to give up.
Anyways, I just wanted to throw this out and see if I get any feedback.
It would be easier to tell people I have cancer than it is to tell them I am severely depressed.....