I have googled many depression sites and read articles about
depression to try to understand my husband. We have been married almost four years. He has been dealing with depression throughout his life, although I was not aware of it until after we were married.
After our first year of marriage, I realized we just were not connecting on all levels and I started feeling that our marriage was a painted picture and not truly happiness because of the lack of emotionality and intimacy from him. After many discussions, I realized his situation... our situation. I urged him to go to counseling because I was/am not trained to help someone with depression. I also told him it is unfair to himself and to our marriage to not seek help.
So here we are, nearing our 4th anniversary. Last year we had a daughter and I am 2-3 months away from delivering twins. I can't help but feel that I am the only glue that is holding things together for us. He still has not gone to counseling after I have asked him time and time again.
Here's the twist: last year while I was pregnant he cheated on me. It wasn't intercourse, but it was a Clinton situation if you catch my drift, and it was only one time. It completely shattered my faith and trust. I wanted to end the marriage right away. He accepted responsibility, told me everything, and discussed his depression with me - not so much using it as an excuse for his infidelity but to try to explain to me where his head was at that time. He said that we had been in such a bad state for months and one night he just did not think of anything at all and it just happened. Ouch, yes, it hurt me very badly.
After marriage counseling and a promise to seek out his own counseling for his depression, I decided to stay in the marriage. As hard as it is, I can forgive the one instance of infidelity. But I am still let down by the fact that it seems like there is no effort from him to address his depression. I am desperately trying to support him. He says he needs me and that I am right for him and that he is committed to this marriage. I have read that depression becomes disabling, so I am trying hard to give him the benefit of the doubt.
But it has been a year since yet another promise to seek out his own counseling and it still has not happened. How long am I supposed to be "superglue"? I can only have the strength to carry on the happiness for us and our daughter for so long, especially with two more on the way. I have asked many times in many different ways for him to get help: in the most concerned way, the nicest way, in a more firm way, through tears and heartache, and in an angry way... of course the latter as more and more time goes by.
I found this site tonight because I am at my wits end. Any advice?
Sorry this was so long... but I do appreciate any input.