I know it is so late but this is how my nights are. My days are so long and then I beg sleep to take over so that all the thoughts and feelings go away at least for one more day. My life as I know it is at its lowest. In 42 years, I have never experienced the depth of despair that I feel on a daily basis. I have some "medical" health issues right now. I live each day only to go to bed at night wondering what purpose I had today. Please guys, dont answer this post saying that there are things in life to live for, I already know that but you know I get tired of living for those things. When does living feel like living. I dont live, I suck air. I have often thought about having my family admit me to a longterm facility and let them sedate me so that the world can pass me by without me knowing it.
I dont think anyone knows the despair that I experience every day. I swear, it feels like a constant anxiety attack every minute of the day. Those of you that have anxiety attacks, CAN YOU IMAGINE LIVING EVERY DAY LIKE THAT?!
There are few things in my life that even make me smile or feel happy anymore and I may never have them again. If I knew for sure that I would have to do without them ever again, I would be on my way to the hospital right now looking forward to a long "awake" sleep for the rest of my life.
I JUST WISH SOMEONE REALLY KNEW HOW BAD THIS IS REALLY!!!!!!!!!
I remember those days of happiness and times when I laughed so hard I thought I would cry. I cant remember the last time that I laughed so hard that I cried.
I just cry now, cry, cry, cry all the time every day.
I try so hard to keep my faith and I do by my actions and behavior but I am dying inside for the chance to show everyone that loves me that I am trust worthy and loveable.
I am so sad.
" I've changed so much. I wish you knew how much you changed me. I wonder if I changed you, if your life is different because of me. Because mine's different. My God, you taught me so much, and from that I've grown. I guess that's what happens."
" Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew."
" Someday never really comes, does it?"
Reason for edit:
Im sorry that I have had to take a couple of parts out of your post. (See Rule #1 & Rule #10: http://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=46&m=106997) I have left as much in as I can but the context of the discussion was too graphic. I will email you further details. Feel free to email me if want to discuss this.
Post Edited By Moderator (djdaz_1985) : 6/18/2007 5:17:06 AM (GMT-6)