I understand what you are trying to say and I want to respond to that.
I do believe that happiness comes from within. What i disagree with is that the external things in life play a huge role in the ability to find "harmony" within.
The reason I say this is because you can have a positive attitude and work on understanding why you think or act as you do but ultimately, the external things in life are the reasons in some cases that people feel about themselves. It gets even harder when you have the depression because most of your thoughts are negative anyway. I guess what I am trying to say is that I think that I am doing ok for as depressed as I have been. The issues in my life are not zapping my faith or strength which I feel are the real cornerstones in being ok with yourself because if it werent for those two well.........
I am very sad and no matter how much faith and strength i have, I am still sad! My world is a disaster so how could I be content and happy. That would require me to wear the mask I speak of in my poem and believe me I do that enough to cover my sad and depressed face when I am around others. In doing that, I am exhaused so I tend to not go out around people unless I am feeling that I can wear the face for a little while. I am not a superwoman although I wish I were so that I could say "you know my world is a piece of crap but I am a happy girl!" Cant do it, I know some people can and how I envy them.
I just dont think anyone knows how truly involved I am with my depression and how hard I try to self help myself, I know what I should feel but once agan those are people that may not understand what i go through and that I am not able to just say, although my life is falling apart, I am ok with that.
I dont know, just really sad.