I want you to know that there are programs for people that cant afford health insurance or live under a certain percentage of the "poverty guidelines". I have medicare through my disability and I am having a hard time with finding a doc to see me for my depression. I am not sure what you situation is but as Shy stated it is important to get some help right away! If anything, when you feel like this, go to your nearest emergency room and be assessed. YES, GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM AND DONT BE ASHAMED TO TELL THEM THAT YOU ARE DEPRESSED AND WHAT YOUR FEELINGS ARE NO MATTER HOW RAW!!!!! This could be your outlet to getting help that you may not be able to get yourself! I know you are probably saying, what about my job and what about the expenses of the visit to the er? At this point in time, it sounds as if you are struggling with everything from your job to financial to personal issues and if you dont get help, those would be the least of your worries. Listen I know I had a job for over 15 years and when i t came down to my mental health or the "stability" of a job, I took my health. Did it cost me my job, yes but I truly believe that if I did not get the help I needed, who knows if any of the other things in my life would have mattered, as it sounds like with you, it may not matter whether or not you lose it to get help, it sounds like you are on the outs with keeping this job, (that is only my feeling).
I guess what I am saying as someone that truly understands, GET HELP, go to the er and tell them what is going on and what your circumstances are. If anything, they will help you get information on the help you need and point you in the right direction. You would be surprised how much that visit could make a difference in finding help for you. I am not sure where you live or what local crisis facilities you have in your city but alot of times they will even admit you to their facility or direct you to a crisis facility for a couple hours, a day or sometimes a week. Most of these are state funded and may cost you little or no money. Trust me, I have many times set up a payment plan on thousands of dollars at 10 dollars a month to get better.
You are reaching out and I think that is a big step!!! I actually have a degree in Social Work and have several options that may be helpful to you. You may contact me through my email if you are interested in programs that you may be able to access. I would not mind doing that for you. After all, I spent a couple years in college getting a degree that I cant use because of what my health is like, but I can be a help for people like you that need a push or direction. Believe me I know what it is like not to be able to think straight and have the inability to make decisions because of my mind being scrambled!
Please try to do what I opted for you regarding emergency treatment!!! Even hotlines are helpful but I know from a professional standpoint that you need "in their face" time and you need it now.
Let me know if there is any info I can help with.
"Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity."
Henry Van ****
" I would rather have one smell of his hair or one touch of his hand than an eternity without it."