I have been on Zoloft, Lexapro, 10, 20, 30 and now Cymbalta 30mgs 1X daily. it is working a little bit, I know because when I ran out I was off for 3 days and crashed badly. It is just not working the way I would like to. I want to be happy. I want the good feelings from a good song to last beyond the end of the song. I want to stop wanting to run, quit, or even hurt myself. I have not done it- but the urge is there almost daily. I want to stop the pain in my chest and the headache every day. I want to fill the void I feel. I want to feel the love of my husband.
every day has the good parts and bad parts. some days are better than others. on a chart of 1-10 they look like 4-5-6-2-1-2-3-4-4-5-5-3-4-5-6-3-3-4-5-2 the good days are always followed by the bad ones. The day goes like that too. up and down all day. No really good times, but not all one bad either.
The phyc has wanted to add mood stableizers for the last 2 visits, but I fight him b/c of the side effects. Now I don't care. I am loosing hope that I will ever get better on the depression meds alone. it seems to make the cycle even worse, anyway. Now he is doubleing the Cymbalta to 60 mgs and adding Lemietah (sp?). the side effects are funky, but if it works, I no longer care.
he said that he thinks I may be BiPolor II, instead of classic depression. I don't get the manic, but the symptioms are only getting wore with the SSRI's alone, so that may say BiPolor. I start school in the fall for the 1st time in 10 years. I need to get better in the next 2 months b/c I can't handle school and depression/Bipolor too.
I hate this. I'm loosing hope. talk me out of this.