For some reason since I started as a mod I have not been posting myself.
I don't know why,maybe I felt that I was too busy with helping others and that was helping me. Wrong...very very wrong.
Alot of you already know my story, I am not going to go into every detail. But short of the long is :I have 2 kids ages 17 and 20. They live with their dad 2 hrs away. The rest of my family lives their too.
My b/f's family all live here,so I basically spend more time with them. Usually it is fine because I am not close with my family at all. (Not including my kids on that one)
Well,his parents are pretty well off,and they own a lake house. B/f loves to go there every weekend and drive boats ect ect. Which is usually fine with me as I enjoy it too.
My kids have been there several times. And they do enjoy it. Last summer my brother came up once. I thought it went well. His mom told me that it would be ok for him to come back,but it would be short notice since the house is not that big. I emailed her on Tuesday and asked if it was possible this weekend.
No response. I knew something was up.
My brother has sleeves of tattoos. He is a big guy,but with a heart of a puppy.
B/f's dad is very superficial and does not like him due to the tattoos.
His dad emailed my b/f yesterday. I called b/f and told him I was going to read it, because we both were wondering what was up with my brother coming.
Boy did I get a read.
His dad freaked out. He said he does not like my brother,he griped about
my kids being at the lake,he just went on and on. He basically made it sound like I was trying to invade their house. That my kids were bad.
I am sure I am reading between the lines on alot of it,but he did make it sound like I was taking advantage of my b/f.
I had no idea he felt that way. They never told me that my kids were a problem.
They always act like that they are so happy that we are together. But they can't accept my family. So how is this going to work? How is it going to work if his family all think low of me? I have babysit his sister's kids! I have made sure that all birthday presents are bought,all birthday cards are sent out.
I have given them 100%
I would never ask my b/f to choose. That is unacceptable. But I do think now we are doomed. He will make the choice of his family in the long run.
I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I thought they cared about
me as much as I did them.
I am sure I am not making sense. I started crying at 4pm last night and have not stopped since.
It just makes me sick that I have given this family everything that I can.
They have alot of problems and I have listened to everyone one of them. I have worried about
all of them.
Why do people do that?
I am tired of giving 100% of myself to people. Of letting my guard down and actually loving someone only to get my heart ripped out.
I wish I could just become cold and distant at all times....I think that is the only way to protect myself.
I am an emotional person and I love to help people,but it seems to backfire.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.www.healingwell.com/donatewww.myspace.com/ShynSassy315
"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"